Blessed by GOD, to be loud and proud of what is good and right and true! GOD bless us, Everyone! IJCNA

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Learn Something New Every Day

Yesterday I went to Walmart... there are some things that I can only get there... that is not my all time favorite shopping place... that would be Kroger, but Walmart was just where I happened to be when a woman really freaked me out, totally disturbed my peace.

She freaked me out so bad I actually felt the need to come in here and talk about it! After all this blog  was started as a journal... and it amazes me that it is actually read in 54 countries now... just a new one a couple days ago... this does sorta freak me out too, but in a totally good way!

So we are checking out and the woman was oh... mid fifties or a real hard 40's... she was thin and blond with dark roots... looked like she had been smoking those nasty cigarettes for years! You know how they get those serious wrinkles around the mouth?

Anyways, she walked away for it seemed like 3 minutes, but was more likely maybe a minute...  which is unusual in the fast 20 or less isle...  and finally she came back to finish and she started saying something about GMO's... now, I know a little something about GMO's but I didn't know enough I guess because I was about to learn a huge lesson about it!

HAHAHA My Grandfather used to always say, "Learn something new everyday!" My Grandfather was a blessing to me as far as being a class act... a #1 wise man who was there for me. He taught me a lot of things!

So I was simply following his instructions and kept my mouth shut as this woman went off on a speech that was probably not called for, but a lot of times the real person comes out to me... I think I look trusting... well, I am... I am not one to call the company and complain, because GOD uses the strangest things and people to teach us things! If we let Him :)

So I had to ask her what was it that I bought that was so offensive to her?

Oh yeah I knew when I realized that she was gone away to find something to wrap around the handle of a pesticide bottle! No really, I am not kidding! She was telling us that there are GMOS in the pesticide that is killing the children and making the animals sick too... Oh, there is no way I could remember her whole rant... because it was so long it even went into the next person in lines time... but I did tell her not to worry, that we were going to use the pesticide only around the perimeter of the house... and we didn't have cats who will be in contact with the stuff... and I politely thanked her for informing me about this issue and that I have a friend who is all on top of it!

I got to thinking about the fact that she didn't, simply keep her opinion to herself... why would she feel the need to lash out at me about the GMOS? I am not responsible that these things happen. In fact I personally think that humans adapt and learn to live with certain things that are poisonous or harmful. Oh, sure it might get a few 'victims', but after time we adapt and build up resistance to certain things. Now I don't want to go out of my forte here... which is religion, I am not a scientist.

So I was wondering if this woman says this to all the people who checked out with pesticide?

I will never know the answer to that.

My thoughts are more with how she was so hostile to us about it! I felt like she saw me as her enemy! Well, GOD works in mysterious ways... I am sorta glad that if that is not her habit to trash everyone about the pesticide, that she picked me to tell her emotions to... I am not one to get mad and report her or say something rude to her. Maybe that is all she needed... to get it off her chest... in that case, GOD put me there to hear her and validate her feelings. And maybe she felt bad after, I don't know.

When people act like this, I am sure its not the way that we should be... but she did reinforce my opinion that we should all have our own gardens in our own back yards... and I would like to add, not worry to much about someone else, whose back yard garden is totally different than theirs.

Hey this is a wonderful thought... don't you think?

I believe that as we go through this life... there are things that we certainly don't do... and one of them is to not push personal issues at work...  if you have a passion about stopping the GMOs... write a letter to congress or to the ones who are creating the GMOs... alert the media and stand in a group to make a statement :)

Be productive in your cares. But maybe you probably shouldn't be pushing the issue at customers on the job. Because I can feel that there are many people in the world who would not stand to be criticized when they are hearing all of that, when they are the customer paying the bill.

GOD Bless us... everyone... may we each learn our lessons everyday! IJCNA

Monday, May 25, 2015

Memorial Day, Happy?

Another day in the life...

Today is supposed to be the day that we celebrate and remember the ones who have died while serving our country. But I cant seem to celebrate. It is a sad somber day.

As a rule I don't celebrate man made holidays. But that doesn't mean I don't respect others who do. I have relatives who have fought in wars... but I have never lost a family member to a war. That doesn't mean that I don't think about the ones who have, as I also feel their pain :(

But as with most holidays... (well, most serious holidays)... I feel like we should honor and never forget these people EVERYDAY!!! Well, I know if we celebrated holidays everyday, well, it just wouldn't be practical. And besides, most people are so busy they can only take a few days to honor those who have died for our FREEDOMS!

It is good that we have 1 day a month to celebrate something! Its cool.

But I don't think we should wrap our world around them. And I also think that the people who have lost loved ones, remember them everyday.

I am an odd duck and so, the deal for me is, I don't believe in serving man made things, so... in my heart I am Thankful (Thanksgiving)... and Celebrate Jesus (Christmas)... and remember our lost military... everyday! Oh sure, I am sorta involved... but I am sorta involved everyday!

It may be because I live in poverty and cant afford the party and the decorations of all the holidays... but then again... GOD tells us not to get caught up in man made doctrines or traditions... oh go ahead and celebrate... but always remember, that is not what we live for. Its not the end of the world if we miss a Christmas dinner with the family! Some people get so mad if you don't show up.

Oh yeah... Holidays can be your god too... people who live in the world and serve the world... yeah... and that's OK... but... HAHAHA there is always a 'but' for me... oh yeah its true, because I can argue with myself all day long! Oh yeah... there's a lot going on inside this head of mine! In fact there are times I cant shut it off! But you figure between GOD and Satan and myself.., we have a lot going on in here!

OK, back to my point of the day... when PEOPLE forget about GOD, there are always bad consequences. I'm not saying that we should not celebrate these holidays... oh no... not at all... and I am not going to come into your space and tear up your decorations and murder anyone who disagrees with me... no way! That would be disrespectful of other peoples choices and GOD doesn't want us to be disrespectful to other people. Can you imagine a world where 'one way' is commanded and demanded for all? It would be horrible, there would be a lot of angry and unhappy people.

In this 'war of the day'.... its all about GOOD V's EVIL... you know the story, you see it everyday... so everyday, we must fight this battle... now, there are different aspects of war... so we don't all have the same job... or rank. As in life we are together, but different!

And that is a GOOD THING! Different cultures of PEOPLE have much to share!

I am in a weird position here... GOD tells us to LOVE our neighbor... that's easy... but then again... GOD tells us to LOVE our enemy also...

But when our enemy is lopping off the heads of non believers... it makes us HATE... naturally...

Oh boy have I have learned a lot about people the last few years...

We always want to lump things together...

But we cant do that... there are so many details we must think about!

We are all fighting the same battle! But we are all different types of PEOPLE...

WOW... its almost confusing...

But GOD is not the author of confusion...

Oh you know who that liar , deceiver is!

Satan has the power to inhabit a soul if ya let him... the fight is within and the fight is standing up for what you believe in. So sad that some believe in and spread hate.

This is wrong for us to do... when we feel the hate, we must know that it is not what GOD wants us to feel... and so we must, always EVERYDAY fight to stop the hate!

GOOD against EVIL...
EVIL against GOOD...
LOVE against HATE...
HATE against LOVE...


Are we gonna be against GOD?

Heaven forbid!

We can never go back and change it once we are dead...

I am seeing all the souls who are crying out from the grave saying 'stop the violence... its not what you think... you are confused... listen to the legacy of Jesus... He was sent by the REAL GOD to show us the way to heaven'...

Have we already forgotten?

No! We have NOT... as I can see the PEOPLE around the world... who GOD has appointed, standing up to the evil hatred that so many grasp and hold on to. Standing up and giving their lives so that others can learn the truth of LIFE...

Life is not about death and destruction of people and things...

LIFE is about LIVING and LOVING and LEARNING  to do GOOD things!

Think about it this way... Oh, I LOVE this analogy... it is Native American I believe... and I just think it is a great analogy... you know the one about the 2 wolves... that live in our hearts and minds... one is good and one is evil and they are fighting to the death... which one will win??? The answer given by an old wise man...  is...   "The one that you feed!"

If you feed the evil one, it gives it the strength to win... but if you feed the GOOD one the evil one has not a chance to survive where the GOOD one is and lives...

Oh I love that idea! I love to think about it!

I think about it everyday!

Where ever you find the GOOD... you also find the evil... but, it is... at the time of the end of the war between good and evil... locked UP... its power, very small...

Because enough GOOD in PEOPLE stood against the evil!

You know, once we get that right... there will come a time when THE PEOPLE wont have the battle anymore... it will be the heaven that GOD wanted in Genesis... except one thing will be different...

There will be no evil to distract or take away from the GOOD PEOPLE!

Oh I cant wait to write about Genesis...

You know, as much as things in the world change... WE THE PEOPLE will never change... our laws even predict this outcome! When enough PEOPLE stand up and say... "HEY... Jesus is the way!" And then enough PEOPLE read for themselves the legacy that was given to us by Jesus...

Hey! Ohhhh... I can see it now! I mean I can see it in the SPIRIT...

I may not get to see it in the flesh... but I can see it by the Grace of GOD right now!

It will happen...  Just as soon as SOME PEOPLE stop feeding the evil one!

Get it?
Got it?

Praise GOD for this day! I can sure tell ya... I am honestly going to really enjoy smelling all the BBQ going on in the hood... even if I don't get to eat it! And I also really enjoy the Mexican music! HAHAHA that just means I live in Texas, at PEACE with my Mexican neighbors... oh, why am I not there celebrating with them? Oh, I suppose its because I would rather be in here with you! :)

I Thank GOD for all the PEOPLE who are reading! We are now at 53 countries!

Praise GOD!

May we all enjoy the celebration of the day!


For that is what GOD sent Jesus for to teach us!

We can win the battle against GOOD and evil... as we overcome evil with GOOD!

Praise GOD, Thank You Jesus!

Here we are and here we'll stay until we find Jesus to show us the way!


Sunday, May 17, 2015


Another blog that was in my head when I woke up this morning...

There was GOD showing me, how it is for HIM...

At first I thought it should be 'GOD Is Like' as a title... but its more than that... so much more! So I had to come in here and write what I saw...

It 'is' about what GOD is 'like', but it really has more to do with our personal CHOICES...

I know its crazy but I gotta write what I see...


GOD is like when your making a pot of beans... before you start, you must clean and separate the beans... and take out any clumps of dirt or any bad beans or rocks before you cook them...

GOD is like, when your working a restaurant and your setting out the glasses and plates and you find one that is chipped... you don't present a chipped glass or plate to a customer...

GOD is like when you work at a hotel and you find a sheet or a towel stained in blood... you don't just fold it and put it back out for public use...

GOD is like when your going through the mail, you toss out the things that do not interest you!

GOD is like when you go to mop the floor, before you can do a good job you need to pick up all the toys or towels or trash that is on the floor...

GOD is like when your getting ready for bed... you take off your glasses, jewelry, makeup...

GOD is like when your getting ready for a speech, you go over the ideas and you take out what is irrelevant.

GOD is like replacing windows... you always remove the broken ones!

GOD is like when you go to answer the door... you want to make sure you check yourself for eye and nose boogers or food on your face...

HAHAHA... so gross... but so true...

GOD is like when your eating an egg or raw peanuts or clams... first you take off the shell!

GOD is like before you mow your grass, you must go over it and pick up... branches, dog toys or dog piles... or kid toys... or move the water hose... etc...

GOD sees fit for when HE is checking over HIS PEEPS... HE raises up the godly with the ungodly and when its time to call HIS people home, HE removes the parts that are not perfectly Godly.

GOD has always done it this way.

You could have 2 people side by side in a catastrophe and one person will die and one will live... its all a matter of their personal perspective... someones death can either be a good or bad thing.

You see, GOD has a system of things and ways that HE has done since the beginning of time, well... since before time even was! You know? Before men created things to help us keep track of time and be in sinc with each other for work or vacations... or what have you.

And we can never totally know GODS full intentions... because we can never really know a person on the inside... you think you know someone well, but then one day they do something that makes you say... "WHAT? I never would of thought"... "they were such nice people!"  Oh Lord I have seen and heard that over and over... we never suspect the reality that is fixing to slap us in the face.

I know.. I am like you... I get hard and want to go live in the side of a mountain... but then I remember, we should never give up on them... we should always believe that GOD is trying our spirits... testing us to see what we will do.

Because you know its all about personal choice.

And when men become secretive to hide their sin, sometimes they are perfect actors and can actually pull it off...  why?  I suppose we are to trusting... or we trust the wrong people.

You follow? Sorta like a glutton goes off and hides to eat and does most of their binge eating in secret... they know they are wrong... they know.. we know about portion control... but when we want it... wow... do we ever want it! We do know that gluttony is a sin... well, maybe not all of us... maybe this is the first time you heard that over eating is a sin.  But we know, you should never take in more than you need, it's sort of wasteful... and it packs on unhealthy pounds.

Now we know that gluttony is unhealthy for us and so the young people of today are brought up with this knowledge and it will be normal and easy for them to choose healthy, because they know the truth of the matter. So you see using gluttony as an example, you can think the theory through all the other sins. Its always something that we do that is not good for us... even if we sometimes think it is good because it tastes good or feels good, that is one big fat lie you be feeding yourself, there!

Part of sin is recognizing it as something bad. And the thing is... GOD has been trying to tell us that some things in this world are not good... will lead to a life of ruin.  GOD doesn't want that for us!

GOD wants to help us along the road of life, help us struggle with our sins until we get it right! Because choosing for ourselves to stop a sin, really makes GOD very HAPPY that we chose for ourselves to follow the right path!

Praise GOD, most people can see their sin and they work on overcoming the sin daily until we are practically perfect people... you know, we strive to be like Jesus!

You know... its in our own selves to predict our fate and our legacy.

And we only have one crack at this thing called LIFE... and if we are smart we will follow the tried and true ways that have been known and laid down for us to follow in order to have a great life! Show me someone who is miserable and I will show you someone lost in their sin, or the sin of their parents or kids... it all revolves around sin that is in and around us.

My next thought is going to Genesis... but I am going to save Genesis... it is to much for a paragraph... maybe even to much for a blog. I think I will start on it as another book!


What I am getting at is... in this wonderful world that we are blessed to be alive in... we can have a really good life filled with LOVE and laughter with our family and friends... or we can have a life full of danger and disaster with our enemies and strangers...

Not knowing our end is nearer than we think...

Yeah, those signs that you see... those old folks holding signs saying 'the end is near'! Well, it is near for them... but not for all of us! We are constantly evolving as a people... some come into the world as others go out... it's natural to live and die... what matters is what YOU CHOOSE for you, while you are here...

I know that some people don't have a choice in life about things... but GOD always gives us a personal choice... and then in the end, you always get your just due... one way or the other!

Isn't it better to live your life with LOVE leading and guiding you?

People make such a mistake when they follow 'hate' and 'violence'...

When I see on the news people rioting because they are mad... all I can think is... (since I have read the Bible)... 'Why? Don't they know that GOD tells us not to act like that?'

The Bible is full of info about how we should live...

But start reading the New Testament of Jesus in Matthew... cause its Jesus who holds the keys to heaven... which a lot of us have already found! When I look across America... across the world even... I can see the LOVE of the PEOPLE! It is so beautiful it makes me want to cry tears of joy knowing with all the evil in the world, there is still so much good!

LOOK! SEE! Pay attention and KNOW the truth!

Evil people want to hide the truth of their evil...

Doesn't mean all is hopeless... we just must educate them to the truth...

We take away the evil when we choose to emulate GOOD.


GOD is GOOD...

GOD is LOVE...

For you and you and you and YOU!

GOD bless us... everyone!


Thursday, May 14, 2015

Loving Lee

When I first met Lee, I was not that fond of him, simply because I want my daughter to work things out with her babies daddy... but the way people are these days... being a 'ho' is not that big of a deal.

In fact... it is now for women, the way it used to be for men... you know... when men were dogs, they would laugh and joke and think it was great that they had all the women floundering at their feet.

I never thought it was funny... and I never gave any man the satisfaction of having that knowledge.

It wasn't hard to be hard... I had already lost the love of my life and learned my lesson well.

Now women are having the same attitude that some men have always had and loved about being a man. Now women are free for casual sex and loving it!

And now I often wonder 'what are they thinking?'

I think they are thinking about how fine they are (vanity is a sin)... and how its so great that all the men want them... and all that, without thinking that most men are like dogs and if they get a whiff, they gonna want some. Because our nature is to be animalistic. Even women, when they are ovulating... they are all over the men... because it is nature taking its course for survival. You can see in nature when a female cat or dog or any animal is in heat... how they act. So men should be careful when a woman is all hot on you... she could be ovulating!

It's natural to want to have sex... for most, but some do not prefer it.

Recently I have had an X brother in law contacting me wanting to have an affair. He has been asking for years... but recently he stepped up his game... saying, "Everyone does it!" I wonder if he thinks his wife is doing it?

Well, not only did I make a pact with my sisters that I would never do that with their men... but I also know there would be horrible consequences, according to GODS word, which will never change.

Some people want to change GODS word, but that would be a grave mistake of men to place themselves in a position to think that they can change the word of GOD!


So it has always been and will always be a terrible thing to be a 'ho'...

And my daughter was being a ho when she met Lee... I guess he was too.

And, it is popular for when they get a little money they go rent a hotel to party in.

And that is where she met Lee, at a hotel party.

Well, first she met him on Facebook, through another friend.

My kids have always brought home strays... cats, dogs and people!

And here came Lee...

He was a handsome man... German Irish I think... and he was polite... but still a mystery to me. And as I got to know him I really didn't like him. Or lets say, I saw the red flags.

But he seemed like he really loved my daughter and when she got pregnant, to him it was a good thing... he took good care of her. But in other ways he was not a very good man.

Lets go back a bit...

I discovered he was a thief... he worked for a moving company and would always bring in stuff and I became suspicious. When confronted with it, he didn't deny. Which struck me as strange.

He also told me how he was raised up by an alcoholic, drugged up not so good mother... which was reinforced later from his sister, she telling me her own horror stories.

Oh, I was mad... and even madder when I found out he got my daughter to use her name on a U-haul and then he and his buddy used it for... ummm, we can only wonder what for... but it ended up trashed out on the side of the road, they told U-Haul it was stolen. And U-Haul was mad at my daughter for it when she had nothing to do with it... that is when I told her they needed to go... and they did... but this was before she got pregnant.

I think even she was getting tired of the wrong things he did... but the worst was yet to come.

I didn't even know he was taking pills. I mean I am OK with the 'pot'... I have known many pot smokers along the way in my life and they are down right good people... it was the ones who went a step farther with the drugs or drinking that gave the most problems. And I just didn't know they were taking pills.

Well, they moved out... but my daughter... when she had enough she would call me crying and you know I am saying to her, 'come home'... I wanted her to come home alone but she refused. But come home she did, with her man in tow.

Oh, I heard often about how he had had a home and a vehicle and used to make 6 grand a month... but I never saw any of that. He did have a truck, but turned out it was the company truck and when he wrecked it, he lost it. Then he didn't have a job any more, he didn't even have a valid drivers licence:(

He did manage to work odd jobs, doing other things... but many days he was laid up here.

One day he went to the hospital, he was having a seizure on my daughters bed and we called the ambulance and they took him to the hospital and we found out he had thyroid issues and needed to be on medicine. And I also found out that he needed the Xnax that he was used to taking... the problem arose when he didn't have money to get his medicine. But I didn't know... his mother and sister came over and told me about Lees medical history and handed me the pills to give him. I wondered why a 30 year old man couldn't manage his own pills, but for some reason the family must of known he had a problem. I did hand the pills out to him, but when they were gone, that was it, he got new and took care of it himself.

I started talking to him more... asking questions and just getting to know the heart of Lee.

And I prayed... I asked GOD what to do...

And then my daughter became pregnant.

Lee was giddy with excitement!

But Lee was losing weight. I thought it was just because he wasn't working and wasn't eating... but GOD showed me another side. And one day GOD told me, 'Lee gets another chance!'

And I was really angry the day I said to Lee... "Look, I know where you come from, I know you have made many mistakes in your life and that was the life you chose to live in the past... but for some reason GOD is telling me that you get a second chance, so I hope you don't blow it!"
And I stomped off.

I could of never known at that time, that GOD was already making plans to take Lee out of his painful life. To take him home while he was being 'good'. And he WAS being good!

Life soon changed for us. Lee became more a part of the family, even though I had fought it tooth and nail in the past to get him away from my daughter, I had seen that was not working.

So, I ummm... let it go... and put it in GODS hands!

Lee showed a new side... he talked about the thieving and took GOD to heart and made the change. He even applied for disability... which he did get approved, but he never knew it.

I mean he knew he had a pretty good chance with his medical issues. We all knew the chance was good, so I settled down and watched this man bloom into a new person right before my eyes!

I soon knew, that I loved Lee like a son!

Oh yes... it was hard to see where he came from, I knew he would not do well... out there... but in here he was a God send! He loved to cook... and he also cleaned... and the most important part, he kept my daughter in line! He was about 8 years older than her and knew what the world offered and it was so important to him that she got up and went to school to continue her education, something I had fought with her for years about! And he really made a great house dad! My daughter had 2 rambunctious little boys and Lee was good for them too...

Oh things weren't perfect, but we were waiting for time to change things and for my daughter to graduate and he get his disability and they would get their own place.

GOD calmed my heart and made me understand and appreciate the man...

If GOD says 'give the kid a second chance'... I'm going to give the kid a second chance... because that is what GOD says to do. And I finally found it in my heart to love and accept this man as family... after all, he was the father of my last grandchild and would be around a long time...

And so it was... I felt normal... whole... like my daughter had finally found someone who could handle her! I was happy to see Lee in the kitchen making breakfast and dinner... he really turned out to be something... and seeing Lee smile lit up my life in a way that is hard to explain today!

GOD had taught me something that only a mothers heart could understand...

In this world where there is good and evil... and we choose to do evil doesn't mean that we can't learn the truth in life and choose the good way later when we find it!

Like me, Lee grew up in hell.

But that didn't limit him... like me, when he found the good he stuck with it! Lee learned and changed himself the hard way... he didn't fight the goodness that he had found... he embraced it!

The child was born, as you know... the new 3 month old baby I have never met because CPS found a little pot in the babies poop and made another family member take the baby.

Lee was very upset about this... we had all told my daughter to stop smoking pot while she was pregnant! But she just didn't think it was that big of a deal... so now we all suffer.

Something  else I remember about Lee... he was in a lot of mental and emotional pain... and it was not getting any better... he was fighting with his 8 year old sons baby momma during the day about seeing the boy, she had not seen the difference in him, she only remembered the old Lee and wouldnt let him see his son... and also he was fighting with my daughters babies daddy at night. I felt so sorry for him... he didn't really want to argue with them... he just wanted his life to be normal.

Lee did not want his family to raise his daughter. He was almost in tears when he talked about it, he wanted so badly to raise his own kid. He was struggling with this issue too... we were all on edge, but they went to hire a lawyer and boy was he on the ball in calling them and asking them, 'wtf'... yes, that was his way... I never thought you should talk like that to a lawyer... in my mind it is counter productive... and I told him not to talk like that and my Grand mother used to say "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"... but he said he had to, to get things done!

Of course there was no more 'pot smoking' for either of them! Things were going as well as can be expected, considering the circumstances. Lee and my daughter were making good plans and they were doing the right things... they were even going to church with a neighbor!

All was well...

He was really getting into the 'good groove' the night before he died.

Instead of fighting with people, he had made some friends and he was walking home from their house... just a block and a half away... and he was accosted by some drunk men who thought he had broke into their truck... now, if that was the case, why was the blood stain down round the corner??? If Lee was breaking into their truck why wasn't the blood stain next to the truck? Why didn't they hold him and call the police? I never believed them, I knew Lee wouldn't do that... that was never his MO anyway... he didn't break into places or vehicles... he just lifted things in his moving job that came easy for him. I will never believe he broke into any vehicle... and it is my neighbors who I have known for years... I am very close with the mom. And it was her husband and their son and 3 more men who jumped in the car and chased after Lee around the corner... what I think happened was he was drinking...  and we have always had a problem in this neighborhood with vehicles being broke into... but it wasn't Lee... however I do believe he got into a verbal altercation with these men... and they chased him down and beat him. Now I wasn't there but Lee came home and told people here that the 5 men chased him and while they were kicking him when he was down, he asked them... "what did I do?... are you trying to kill me?" and one guy said, "yeah mother fucker, we're gonna kill you!" Well, words spouted in a drunken rage... you know if these men would not of been drunk it wouldn't of happened... and besides, they didn't know who he was... the mother was shocked when I told her.

Well, he survived the beating... but it was later said to play a part in his death.

My part came into play the next day... it was Feb 8th, 2015.

I remember walking down the sidewalk early in the morning and saw a huge blood stain and thought, wow... looks like what ever happened here killed the animal... you see, I thought it was from a dog fight...     I had gone to bed early on the 7th... so I was not up when Lee had come home after being beaten... but I did see the fresh blood on the sidewalk on the morning of the 8th.    I had been away with the children all the day and was walking home about 5:15 PM... I stopped and again looked at the blood... wondering what had happened, the blood was so thick.

When I got home I already knew from text that my daughter was waiting on Lees sister to take him to the hospital... she had talked to the husband who said he would go pick the sister up at work at 5pm and they would be coming... because my daughter knew that Lees sister could make him go to the hospital... because Lee had refused to go... and told my daughter if she called an ambulance he would break up with her... and she was scared... my daughter is not a strong person... she was very upset telling me the story of what had happened to Lee the night before.

I knew immediately that was Lees thick blood on the sidewalk...

We went in to check on Lee and I saw he was breathing... I thought he was sleeping... but I was concerned with the way he was looking... I grew nervous... and for the next 90 minutes or so we spent going in and checking on Lee and standing at the edge of the driveway watching every black truck that pulled into the hood... "there they are"... but there they were not. So when we went in and saw he was not breathing my daughter called 911 even though he had told her not to... he would just have to understand... I would tell him I made her call. Didn't matter at that point...

Because when the ambulance got there, they pronounced him dead.

I will never understand the workings of the human body... how could he of been dead? Could his heart of given out before his lungs? Could he of bleed to death internally and we just didn't know?

Oh I was angry... and took the police right to the blood stain and told them how he was beaten... they collected a sample of the blood and they did go get the guys... took them and my daughter downtown for hours.

I was in shock for hours... I almost fell on the floor when the EMT had said 'lividity' had set in ... I didn't know what that meant... I thought they would take him to the hospital and when I said "what is that?"... the man closest to me said, "he's gone" ... yeah, I almost fell to the floor... the man helped me to the couch as my daughter starts screaming in hysterics...

Our world was falling apart!

I don't remember the time passing... I just remember the events... me sitting on the couch... them bringing my daughter to sit beside me... and the one EMT on the floor printing out the paper that said Lee was dead. Them telling my daughter it was not her fault... even if they would of come out and he refused treatment there was nothing they could do. It was understandable she hesitating to call when he had told her if she did he would break up with her... there was so much information at that point, all I could do was stare. And then they told us that lots of people would soon be in my house... and they were so right...not just the 8 to 10 fire and ambulance people, but police and homicide detectives filled the place... they told us not to worry...

The police knew Lee... I think they knew him in a way that I did not.

He was a 7 time felon. Well, I knew that... that was a 'red flag' but I watched him change!

You know at that point all you can do is breathe...

So I didn't know it was hours that had passed... it was about 11:30PM when his sister showed up... thank GOD she never got past the police... but she was screaming in the streets... and I remember I said to the detective... "Oh sure... now she shows up."

We had to go outside and sit and wait for them to do all their stuff. I didn't care. I always keep the house where anyone at anytime can walk in and it be appropriate. Even smoking... couldn't smoke in the house... I always gave the other grandparents open door invitations to come see the babies... so it was important to me to keep the house acceptable in the eyes of THE PEOPLE. So I wasn't worried about a house full of these people... in fact every one of them was awesome... we were treated very well and I love the people who were here and helped us through that horrible event! I don't know any of their names... but they all played a part of getting us through some very dark hours.

Lees funeral was a disaster...

For starters... I don't know what makes me feel the way I am feeling about this issue... but I had told Lee and my daughter I would meet my new grand daughter when they were able to bring her home and present her to me... I just didn't want to go meet her and have her ripped away again, Oh yeah, like I am such a horrible person... so I couldn't bring myself to meet my new grand daughter at the funeral... I just kept my head down and got through it as best I could, crying my heart out... not only for Lee but for my heart breaking... aching to hold my grand daughter... but I stand on my word... I will meet her when my daughter can bring her to me with no one sitting along side watching my every move... and then snatching the baby away saying 'oh but you cant take her because you are an evil demon pot smoker..."

So I sat in the back and after it was over... my daughter and her friends went out side... and my niece came and said, "Lets go"... but I had to go up and say goodbye to Lee... I was the last one there... all others had rushed outside when a commotion happened when a little boy told my daughter that  'she was never getting her daughter back'... I didn't know that was going on... I just was moving slow... and when I worked my way outside, there was this huge obese woman yelling at me to "Hurry Up!, your moving to slow... no one wants you here."  I looked at her like she was all crazy and told her, "Wow... no wonder Lee didn't want to live with his family." To which she stuck her middle finger in my face... and I said... "Oh... your showing your class... not to good for a funeral." And I was ushered away by an aunt who had a little more compassion. I later learned that not all the funeral goers felt the same way as this horrible woman... and for her to verbally attack me... I later found out was most likely only to cover up for her very own brother, who had helped Lee get illegal pharmaceutical drugs. Yes... I soon found out that it was one of Lees sisters and her husband, who helped Lee get illegal pills and I was told that he had taken 10-16 of them! So I called the detective with my new info... which he already knew... and I also told him that Lees family was being horrible and spreading lies that we killed Lee. He told me not to worry about it. We just had to wait for the autopsy results.

WHAT??? It was hard for me to let go of that mess.

Well, now I understand. And would you believe that the sister and her husband who is brother to the woman who verbally assaulted me at the funeral, has moved out of town?

The test results came back.

It was a combination of the beating and the lack of medicine for his thyroid... and...

A drug overdose?

It was much worse than I had thought. It wasn't just the Xanax...

There was heroin???

I am shocked beyond belief... I never thought that would be on there! Sadly Lee thought he could be his own Dr and I hear heroin is a pain reliever... and he was surely in a lot of pain! However I do not believe he did that on purpose... he had to much to live for... he thought he could handle it.

But honestly I'm not surprised that GOD took him home... poor Lee... tried to escape 'the past' and not even a new start could save him. Well, of course not... because GOD took Lee when he was GOOD... not perfect... as we all know there are certain weaknesses that turn into addictions that some of us will never understand...

I am all for the natural herb, bearing seed... but man made drugs will kill you!

So GOD taking Lee like that... ensured that we will see him again in heaven...

Because even Lee had his sin...

Sin that was forgiven by GOD...

And the promise is to us all... we will no longer die in our sin if Jesus is on our side. Jesus died for our sin. And even tho Lees weakness was a sin... GOD brought him through hell to know PEACE and LOVE and JOY in the miracle of childbirth.

Sometimes I think Lee is still here in the spirit...


But I am more inclined to believe that he is with his old Grandma that he loved so much!

And I am thankful that he is at last free from the addiction.

And at peace.

Learning to love Lee was a real challenge for me... but GOD showed me a lot about life through Lee and sharing GODS love with people even if they never thought they deserved it was worth the effort to show them that they really do deserve it...  I will always keep a part of him safe and secure in my heart and will someday tell his daughter, my grand daughter...  what a great guy her daddy was... and how happy he was that she was born...

RIP Lee...

... may you never feel an ounce of pain again...


Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mothers Day... Happy?

I woke up very angry today.

Because according to CPS I am not fit to have my grand kids here!?!

So weird, because I have smoked pot since 1972 and I have never been in trouble and have never had a problem with my kids. And I still don't have a problem with the kids, the kids are my #1 top priority. I would never in my life put anything above the children.

And, I am an advocate for the beautiful plant that grows from a seed in the ground, something that comes from nature... I am always posting on Yahoo and Facebook, FREE THE WEED THAT COMES FROM A SEED AND FULFILLS A NEED!!!  Even GOD said that HE has given us everything that comes from a seed and it is there for our use... Genesis 1 v,29... so they are going to have a problem with something that GOD gave us, that just takes the edge off... and they are going to be OK with her being wiped out in the bed on man made chemicals... so much so, that I haven't seen my 2 grand sons in 3 months and I have never even met my 3 month old grand daughter! And both the families are lying and bullshitting CPS to keep the kids. And the new baby... wow, that part is getting its own blog! I will try and do it next.

The youngest of the 2 boys just turned 2. And he is having separation anxiety problems. He almost died in the hospital... thank GOD he has his older brother! When my daughter went over there a couple days ago, their dad wouldn't even let her hug and hold the 2 year old... he is sensitive and when he was here, every time I got mad at him he would feel so bad and come to hug me, which I always did, because when my mother stripped us naked and beat us till we would bleed, she never hugged us after... and in my little 2 and 3 year old brain, I needed to know she loved me after she beat us like that... but she never gave us a hug... that is why I do hug all the babies if they come to me for a hug after I get mad at them.

Their dad has always threatened my daughter... to get the boys from her. We didn't have a problem until CPS stepped in and snatched the boys up and gave them to their dad and he jumped on the bandwagon and told them just what they wanted to hear to help protect him with the boys, so now... I am not allowed to see my 3 grand kids... because of some evil lies that some stupid people told!

Am I angry? You bet I am... every day I have to fight the anger and the HATE that is in me trying to surface... I live in poverty, I can't afford fancy lawyers... I already paid almost 4 grand on credit to hire a lawyer for my daughter and the weird thing is... it seems she is working for CPS!!!

Thank GOD I have good credit... I just wish it would of helped.

I am just now recovering from a VERY traumatic event, from not last night but the night before, I got a call from my 1st grand sons other grand pa... asking me where was my daughter... she had gone over to babysit for the dad and left with her 1st born son to go to the store and get some chocolate milk. When they were coming home, they saw our dog running the street, so they stopped to get him. In the meanwhile my daughters phone died... no one could call her and when the other grand parents saw she and the boy were gone and they couldn't call her, they freaked out. The PawPaw calling was OK... and I told them not to worry so much, she prob just went to the store, she will be right back... but then about 2 minutes later the other Grandmother called me, screaming at me... basically telling me she was giving me a heads up for the reason my daughter will be sitting in jail... oh it was a terrible call... I couldn't barely get a word in... I told them my daughter is not the type to kidnap the boy! It just wouldn't happen... and ohhhh the terrible panic and anxiety that came over me... it was one of the worst feelings in the world... and so I finally said, 'whatever... call the police then!" Knowing they are stupid, their son would be in trouble too... well, anyway...

About the time I hung up, I heard my daughter and my grand son in the garage... and I was almost in hysterics telling her the situation... but what had happened, they had gone to the store and coming home they had to chase down the dog... he was a stray that we took in and he has never left, but my daughter thought it was better to get him off the street rather than let him go running the hood... so they were bringing the dog home... to me... but... that was all ruined with the news that the other grandparents were threatening... it was all OK when my grand sons dad got home from the PARTY in Galveston... oh they fought a little bit about it because I have stress related illness and I am sure it will soon kill me without medical help. So my daughter is very defensive of me... she always has been. And things soon settled down for them when they talked about how this wouldn't even be a problem if CPS had not forced their Nazi attitude in here and scared my daughter into letting the kids go.  Her jumping in the truck with her 8 year old son and going to the corner store for a treat would not be an issue if they didn't have to worry about CPS coming in all like gestapo and throwing their weight around even when there has been NO abuse or neglect... EVER...

In fact, my daughter has passed 3 drug tests... and they still wont let her have her kids because she lives with me and I won't go take their test... my kids are grown and as long as there is no abuse or neglect and the mother passes the drug test... WHY should I? What Judge would insist?

I have sworn I will never get caught up in that crap again... I had 1 episode when my daughter was 17 and I had to submit and we got through it... but... now my daughter is 23...

Here's the problem that I am having... at the beginning she was a slightly lazy pot smoker, but she could still go to school... now, she is so wiped out on Prozac and Ambian and Klonipin and something with codeine for pain and that's all fine and good to them... BUT... if she would do what they say... and move out to get her kids... whose gonna take care of them??? Its OK by CPS for her to be on all these chemical drugs... where she is literally wiped out in the bed 90% of the time... so why do they think she can take care of the kids like that??? No way... I can even see they took her from a good situation into a very bad one, and I do resent them for it... they have totally destroyed my daughter... she is not the same person anymore.

She is like a zombie... and seeing all that on the TV it makes me think that they think that's OK

It's NOT OK!!!

So, you see why I have to fight the hate???

Me of all people who is always fighting for PEACE and LOVE...

I am having to ask GOD to forgive me and help me through the HATE that I feel for these stupid idiots who cant even get to know me before they judge me!

My life is still filled with kids... I have 4 more grand kids that I see almost every day... whom I take to school and pick up... my son and his wife were going to let her go there... until CPS wanted even their 'babysitter' to take a test. So, my son had to turn his back on his sister, to protect his mother. This shouldn't be happening in the USA.

Oh I know if it went to court CPS would lose... but this lawyer my daughter and her deceased baby daddy hired. She isn't doing anything but telling my daughter to do what CPS wants... and when she gets on the phone with my daughter she is all cussing about CPS not answering her calls saying she is getting a court date.

I think when CPS comes in like that, they should take the mother as well as the kids to a safe place... where they can keep the family together... because some people will fight over kids and will lie to keep them. That is what happened here.

And my daughter is so wiped out on their man made chemicals she has gotten used to being without them. She likes laying in the bed 22 hours out of the day.

What a screwed up situation. I hate it!

And I will shout it out to the world how corrupt CPS is in Houston Texas... and I am just biding my time for to set things straight... because one day... someone will help me... ME... not them... in time the truth will come out and will show CPS a better way to handle these situations.

This past week a bill was passed in the political arena in Texas... it will legalize the critically demonized plant that grows from a seed in the ground... I for one will be happy to see this natural plant get some relief... because that is what it gives us... just enough relief to handle the stress in life without man made chemical drugs!

Its stupid to judge people just because they smoke a little pot!

In America home of the FREE, where we can drink ourselves to drunkenness, commit adultery... commit sodomy... throw up and pass out... but GOD forbid we smoke a joint with our friends and laugh and over eat on occasion...

So until this situation is resolved... I will be here having to fight this new sin of hate.

So is it a Happy Mothers day? I think NOT!

GOD Help me!


Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Old To Young

A lot of people think that I am one with all the answers in life...

Truth be told... it is GOD within me who has all the answers...

I have been on my search for GOD for 39 years now... and you can find GOD personally too, if you go through HIS son Jesus! Jesus's message gave us the keys to heaven!

No one else can get you there except you... and you will not find GOD in any place on earth without first finding HIM in your own heart and mind!

My knowledge is not 'mine' really... I would be nothing without GOD showing me the way!

It has really been a rocky road and I have learned so much along the way. It was not a 'career choice' for me to be MotherPope, HA... I live in poverty... but its all good, I have a safe home and family who love me... actually I evolved over time and GOD made me this way... I follow HIM and I just tell others what I find out. Its been that way for a long time now, I am used to it. I used to really be bummed about it... it is a heavy load... but being FREE in our SPIRIT is worth all the trials and tests in the flesh...

I asked GOD 'why??? Why is there so much evil in the world?'... and GOD said... 'it must be... because without it... there is no freedom to choose'... and the only way we can rid the earth of it is to all of us choose LOVE over everything else... GOD is LOVE... and LOVE will always lead and guide us into the way that is GOOD and RIGHT and TRUE!

We do know that if you do not choose GOD you will not be going through all the trials and tests that GOD requires to, not just test you... but also tempt you, to see what you think and do in the real world.

Often I think about my friend in Africa... Oh she is not a friend like I have known her in my daily world... but she is a Sista in Christ that I met on the Yahoo news boards and she lives in a place where she was stressed at one point about the Muslims coming in... she said she was a Christian and the Muslim women she worked with treated her badly... they look down on her. I think I worry more about her than she does... she is always praising GOD... I love that! I don't even think I am strong enough to handle it tho... knowing that at any time someone can come and lop your head off just because you disagree with their religion. I wonder what I would do... I think I would be like a 'chicken' that gets its head chopped off before we eat them. HAHAHA I sure hope GOD doesn't choose to test me on that one... because like I said... I am a chicken!

Here I am already half ways through this blog and I haven't even gotten into the idea of this blog. Silly me...  It was something that came into my head when I was thinking about how, in the world when we are born... everyone is older than us... and as we grow old... everyone is younger!

I have been watching Our Planet from Pole to Pole... and in it, it shows animals surviving in the wild and how it is so brutal... bears chasing walruses... wolves chasing gazelles... small foxes chasing baby chicks... and as a parent all I could think about is the stress of the parent watching your child get ripped out of your arms... of which I have seen happen.

The most saddest part is that when we are young we have no clue of what to do... by the time we are old we have learned the ways of the world and can see where the kids screw up. And once the dark side has them... chances are we can't save them... but we keep trying to... because we LOVE them. And some can be saved...

We are still learning the same lesson.

I am talking about hate.

It wasn't so much around in the years of the 50s and 60s...

But recently the HATE has exploded in my face.

Its OK... like my sister in Christ who lives in Africa... I will survive!

The need starts with our youth... we must set them on a guiding point... to bad some parents don't do this. But there are lots who do. We can look into the earth and see the good people in every place... like my Grandmother used to say... 'there is good and bad in everything'.

We must continue to teach them to choose the good.

Otherwise we will continue to suffer.

I believe it is time for a change.

I know that Jesus will soon show us the way... and please don't think that Jesus is going to come down out of a cloud in the sky... that's Hollywood.

Nope... we will see the 2nd coming of Jesus when we see HIM in the eyes of our brethren!

I know that blows a lot of peoples minds... I can't help it...

But we will all... at one point in our lifetime find GOD... one way or the other. I do feel sorry for those who do not choose to find HIM... but they do seem to find the evil side of life easy enough...

We must remember... its simple... the message of Jesus is LOVE.

Find LOVE and LIVE!

There are so many saints who lived great lives... we can all be one if we choose.

We have a diverse community so there must be diversity within THE PEOPLE... but that doesn't mean we should all be selfish and think that we alone are great, for there are many great nations of PEOPLE struggling with the evil trying to get control. We are the ones at the turning point here... we must realize this is the religious war that has been talked about for a long long time. Just because you haven't heard about it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

It is a real war that has been going on since the beginning of time, good against evil... and now its our turn... and we have the technology to fight it and beat it down good! We are so lucky to be living in the age of knowledge... now... make sure you fill yourself with the right stuff! Your brain is like a computer, you get out of it what you put into it... and if you are putting 'self' above all else... in the end you will only have yourself to love... because in your world where everyone loves themselves... in the end you only have yourself to love... so sad... at a point in time when we should be having others love us too... we shut that option off when we choose to love only ourselves... yeah, yeah,yeah... we do need to love ourselves... but not to the point where we put our own selfish needs above others. This is a very delicate subject... because where do we draw the line?

Truth is... its all different for different people... what works for one doesn't work for others... if that were so, we would all have perfect kids! For the most part our kids know the law... and follow it. Thank GOD... because it really bothers me when so many think its OK to go cause murder and mayhem... these people have not found Jesus.

There are so many people in the world without Jesus because we have turned our backs on GOD and chose to serve ourselves. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. GOD IS there... if we just seek HIM... HIS promise is to live within US and lead and guide US through all the evil that is in this life. I say US because we are not alone... we have many brethren in Christ... we just have to find them and we all hold hands and pray for a new day of life! Not just for ourselves but for all GODS children!

Yesterday while bantering on Yahoo, someone said, 'so what? its not you!'

Meaning why are we worried about the Christians on the other side of the earth when they get their heads lopped off simply for being a Christian... its not us!

Well, it may not be me or you... but it is someone.

And we praise GOD for the ability to stand up and say...

"HEY, that's not the right way!"

I pray daily for THE PEOPLE, no matter where they may be... Africa... Russia... China... Australia... Europe... I pray for the evil to go away for us all... but until we all decide to accept the idea of LOVE and HELP and CARE... loving each other as Christ loved us... and ya know that's some pretty powerful LOVE right there... because it was given to us by GOD!

Jesus gave his life for us... he wasn't popular then... but we can give HIM a second chance when we accept HIM into our lives and he will lead us to a good positive situation.

We don't want to be 30 something and still dependent on someone for our care!

We need to learn to work together for the common good of all!

Believe it... Hope for it... encourage it!

The message is the same today as it was 2015 years ago...


Rich people should love the poor... poor people should love the rich people and they need to learn to help each other towards a common good.

Parents love your children... so that when they get older... they will love you!

Its all about the LOVE man!

Find the LOVE and live in PEACE!