Blessed by GOD, to be loud and proud of what is good and right and true! GOD bless us, Everyone! IJCNA

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Robin Williams, RIP? Ummm, only GOD knows :(

Poor Robin Williams... had the world in the palm of his hand... and it still wasn't good enough. Which shows us that all the money in the world... all the fame and wonderment of his 'gift of gab'... couldn't even save him.

When people live in the world... just for the world... and ignore their spiritual side, this is when they have problems. They are so deep into the world, they don't see past the end of their own noses. But this was not fully the case for Robin. He knew the world intimately. And he cared for other people!

I do know why he did this. I knew when it happened... the 'whys' of it. But I had to take some time to soak it all in. There is so much to the deal that was handed to him. Will he rest in peace? That depends. Did he see GOD and ask for forgiveness when he was in that state after he realized there was no turning back? This is really just between him and GOD. We as humans can only speculate.

There is so much to Robin Williams, I really loved this man, he was a lot like Charlie Chaplin, who wrote SMILE, which is like my theme song. Even I, have this nervous laugh and joking attitude when I am upset... if you find the humor in things, anything comes easier. But the pain is still there.

I can feel people. I don't know how I do this. But I can. Sometimes it is a blessing and sometimes it is a curse. But again, you can choose to see the good or the bad. Or I should say... we are aware of both the good and the bad, and some choose to dwell on the bad. This is not the way of GOD. When we go through life and go through trials and tests... there will be a lot of wrong out there. But what matters will be, if we choose the dark side. Or if we simply ignore the spiritual side. Like I feel Robin put that out there to the world. Now... how he really felt inside... who knows? He might of talked to GOD daily. We as humans can't know his personal relationship with GOD. He could of known GOD to the extent that he wanted to be good. But the world took him through places and things that he didn't ever want to talk about.

I feel like this last job was the straw that broke the camels back. He was faced with some reality that he just didn't want to deal with anymore. In my heart I think Robin knew the truth, but was afraid to say it for fear of making people unhappy with him. He went along with the trends... not because he wanted to, but it was his peers who influenced him in his worst times. And it was his peers who pushed him over the edge. He couldn't handle the pain that was givin to him by the people who was supposed to love him the most. And again, it was because his people lived in/for the world. And the world sucked him in... and dragged him down! I must say at this point, not ALL of the people did this... but a few. They know who they are!

I remember when I was doing Proverbs 2000... there was a scripture that I got stuck on for 3 days... and I prayed and thought and prayed and thought... and then BAM... it hit me all at one! The whole concept of how hard it is for a rich man to know if he is loved for his heart or his money! What a problem! :(

Living for the flesh... its fun...its great for some people... they do good deeds and all... but GOD says we won't get to heaven simply by doing good. Sure... you can live a good life... and when you choose to do good, you may not realize it, but you are doing GODS will anyway. But some refuse to acknowledge the spirit! And that is where they go wrong. If Robin would of loved GOD and served HIM and not the world... he would of known the LOVE and perseverance of GOD and would not of done what he did. But its not supposed to end like that... it should be more like this... through it all... we continue on... knowing that GOD has a plan... knowing that GOD will take care of every detail... every problem!

Will Robin go to heaven? I would like to think so... but he robbed THE PEOPLE of his gift!

Why do people live to serve the world? We can't survive the evil of it!

We can only survive the evil of it with the protection of GOD!

We as A PEOPLE know the difference between right and wrong/good and evil. We have laws in the world to keep us straight, but men of darkness take over and pervert the laws of our human system and then corruption abounds. They won't acknowledge GOD but they allow the dark one to come and posses their souls! :(

But that doesn't mean we have no hope!

When the GOOD PEOPLE stand up and speak out... and lead THE PEOPLE into a spiritual awareness... we will stand on the GOOD... demand the evil to GO AWAY! We as PEOPLE with GOD, have power over the darkness! And we CAN live through the hard times... because we all have that path to walk... and we do it alone... and other people are just like scenery passing by. In the end... its just US and GOD.

And GOD in US! :)

I do hope and pray that Robin found his way to the light! GOD knows he lit up our hearts... I would love to meet him on the other side! Because in all his pain... if he asked GOD to forgive him before he crossed... He will be happy on the other side... waiting for US! Lets keep his name in our hearts forever and always...

Thursday, August 07, 2014

RIP Momma :(

Where do I begin? I suppose with the pain... the pain is great!

Not because my mother passed... I know she is in a better place and is with the ones of old whom have already passed. I can hardly wait for my day to come... being able to communicate with past family and with Jesus and Socrates and Confucius and Nostradamus... and Mother Teresa and Charlie Chaplin... Andy Griffith... to name a few.

No, this pain comes from living in hell. Most people know my mother was not a very good mother. She was mean and self centered and if you dare to cross her... well, we could say, her revenges were well known. She taught me to lie... and to fear... and to keep secrets. When I was 15, she had sex with a whole group of motorcycle men, who came to the apartment... I could never describe her happiness to see all those 20 something motorcycles lined up in the parking lot... for her! I wish I could go more into this... but saving that for another time.

But also it was my mother who taught me to sing... and to clean as you go... this was prob the best advice she ever gave me... clean something right away, don't set it down... turn on the water and scrub it and leave it to dry... if you always do this, you will never have a sink full of dishes. Of course back then we didn't have a dishwasher... we were the dishwashers! I remember when my mother had broke her arm... well she didn't do it by accident... my then step father had grabbed her left arm and twisted her around and karate chopped it and broke it... but she lied to the people at the hospital... said she fell out of the truck :( and I had accidentally burned my right hand... so we worked together to do the dishes, Me using my left hand and her using her right! She also taught me to be tough and resilient... and independent and strong. There were some good things... but...

She also taught me to be a whore :(

I have so many mixed feelings.

So I came here to make my plea with everyone... Love your children... teach them to love other people, you do this by loving them more than you love yourself... and you show it! Like when my daughter broke up with her first babies daddy... he thought he was gonna make her suffer... and he took the bed when he left... so I... cleaned up her room... swept the carpet, because that was after a hurricane and we had no electricity for the vacuum cleaner... and when I had cleaned the area... I moved my own bed into her room. And made a pallet on the floor for myself... and it was 30 days before I bought a new bed. I always thought it was a good example of love... but it is possible it went unnoticed... except by the boy who wanted her to suffer. He was shocked to see that it was I who was suffering, sleeping on the floor. But me knowing my daughter was in a bed, made me happy. I just cant help that.

I am so different than my mother. When I was little, I was looking at my mother as an example of how NOT to be. I didn't want to grow up to be like her. And to this very day, I live with sorrow after doing to REB what I did to him, because of the advice of my mother. Looking back... I didn't win with the revenge... I hurt myself, probably more than I hurt him. Why would my mother give such terrible advice? I don't know :( He continues to this day, to tell me I worry about stupid stuff... and communicates through the rare text... but the thing is... I can never go back and have a redo. GOD I wish for that... but it will never happen. Sometimes I think GOD somehow protected me, because REB turned out to be a handsome Casanova... and all the girls wanted him. Still do. Me too. And years ago his mother said, that I was the one who ruined him. I guess maybe I did. And he reminds me that it was I who left him. YEAH, only because I listened to my mother... and did the wrong thing. I will regret that move for the rest of my life.

My mother was not a good example.

We as women, and really we as parents... need to pay attention to what we are teaching our children. Because if I would of had a Christian mother... well, she did profess to be a Christian... but she wasn't very Christian like and she wasn't reading the word, that's for sure... because if she had known the word, she would of told me to 'hold fast for love'... and when school was past, he would of come to me... and nothing from the school would matter any more. And you know that means that he would not of had found another girlfriend if I had stayed and stuck it out.

I was his first love... and he was mine. And we were torn apart because of the terrible advice and demands of my mother. I have seen who my mother was through her actions throughout the years. Saw her steal... commit adultery... lie. Be mean. I grew up in hell seeing and feeling the things I did. If my mother made a decision, it was going to be in her favor... screw all else.

But you see? She created me! To be... whom you see. Who has seen both sides of the world. And you see how I fight so strongly for LOVE... and where did I learn that?

Through Jesus! A man who existed over 2000 years ago... who really laid down a message of a rebirth of the souls of men... and he held the keys to heaven... and that is first to recognize both good and evil. Love is good. Hate is bad. Its really simple. Love one another. Do good to one another. Its so easy!

But people have to make things harder than they have to be. People are stubborn and arrogant and rude.They cant even see the beauty of truth anymore they have become so corrupted.

But we cant help what other people do.

My mother many years ago, chose to be a Wiccan. And you know, I know what GOD says about judging people... and I never judged my mother for her pagan beliefs. She quietly settled down in the country... and things were good for awhile... but then there was this murder in my sisters house. And I knew the victim... and I knew my sister... and I just didn't believe my sisters story. Well, court will settle the matter August 15th. Or I should say, the courts will start on the matter and work to settle things.

But you see, my mother believed my sister. Took her side. And I was made to understand that this was probably a way she protected herself from having to admit the truth. And even now I feel like GOD took her so she wouldn't have to go through what is going to happen to my sister.

But I don't want to get ahead of myself. And I cannot tell the whole thing yet. But rest assured I already have something going on for after the trial. But I do stray...

What hurts me the most... is when she sided with my sister, she unfriended me on Facebook... She wouldn't answer my texts or emails. Or answer my calls. I knew she had cut me off. It was like a knife to the heart... because it was based on lies. Lies of the devil who really really wants to make my life miserable. But... no matter what... I know GOD has a plan. I place all problems in HIS hands.

I want to thank Digger... he will always be my hero for getting her to the hospital and calling me on her phone and I had those last few words with her. "Mom! I love you!"... "I love you more!" (as she would always say)
"Mom, from what I understand you can survive this, but you just have to rest! OK?" ... "OK"... "Mom, I will talk to you later ok?"... "OK"...  "OK, get well, I love you!" ... "I love you more!" and those were the last words she would speak to me!

It was so quick... Sepsis came and took her within days... I am sure she would of died a lot sooner if they had not kept her on life support. But because I was shut out... I could call the nurses... but my mother left my younger sister in charge. And I know my mother would not of wanted to be kept alive artificially. And I understood what the Drs were telling me, but there was a part of me who just wanted her to survive... just to 'friend me' back on Facebook. By day 8, she was swollen and turning black... so my older sister signed the papers to stop life support. I couldn't get out there, but I did go on day 3... she was laying there... "Momma.... its Nancy... I come to see you!" no response... talked to the nurse a little bit... and again... "Momma... I wish you would talk to me"... And then... "Lord GOD bless my mother... Momma... all is forgiven... there is nothing to worry about... all is forgiven... I love you... and I pray it be GODs will that you come back to us! IJCN,A Walking out of that room was like, the hardest thing I had to do... but I had to do it because I had little grand children waiting in the waiting room... and they needed me.

My mother has for years been an organ donor, she had it all set up to donate all her organs... she had taken such good care of herself... didn't smoke, rarely drank... kept her weight down... but when the time came... the bacteria had penetrated every organ she had... it had even reached her brain. In the end, her body was unacceptable for science.

So my younger sister... still in charge of things according to my mothers will. But now my mother has seen the truth... she has communicated with Chris and he told her the truth. My mother is no longer blinded by sin.

8 days... and even then, that was to long. She lived on life support... some of us thinking she would pull through... my head going this way and that... knowing my mother wouldn't want to live with no hands and feet. The Drs had told us, even if she did survive she would lose both hands and feet due to gangrene. My mother would be so unhappy about that. She was already unhappy that her daughters didn't get along. But I tell you truth here, it wasn't because of me. My mother now sees the truth... the truth that my hands are innocent.  And in the end... when they took her off of life support... she cried.

I faced the reality of it all... knowing GOD has a purpose.

And thanking GOD for sending Dig... because of him, we had that last phone call.

We as A PEOPLE, We got to know... When you least expect it... the Lord gives and the Lord takes away... and then the Lord gives again... Today... I found out that I will soon be blessed with another grand daughter... if ever there was a way to try again... this is the way... I only show the way of Jesus... the way of LOVE! Now its time for me to write my own family chapter... and believe me, it's all filled up with LOVE!

Keep to the path of truth my little ones... you know not when your Father in heaven will call for you!