Blessed by GOD, to be loud and proud of what is good and right and true! GOD bless us, Everyone! IJCNA

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Joe is Home!

This Thanksgiving I am feeling so happy and grateful!

Joe came home yesterday, 11-25-09... and made my whole world a better place! Once again I am happy beyond all leaps and bounds!

I once again was able to see all 3 of my Grand children together! And I didnt even care that Joe and Aryes pulled out all the toys and had them strown all throughout the whole house! We are all filled with love and joy!

We are truly blessed!


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sarah Lynn... 10-11-78

She is 31 now. I can hardly believe it has been that long, since I gave away a piece of my life.

And still, I cry.

I didn't mean to get pregnant. But I knew I didn't want to bring a person into the horror and terror that was mine.

Sara, it wasn't that I didn't want you. It was that I grew up in hell and I didn't want to bring you there. I wanted you to have a better life. And I pray and know that you did. I got what I needed. I needed you to have something better. Something that I couldn't give you.

I could only give you life.

I know that I have mental problems from the suffering of hell. And I wish it wasn't so. But it wasn't for me to have a normal life. We all know that children suffer from the sins of the parents.

I didn't really know my dad. And by the time I did know him, he already had a different family.

Maybe I could of had a different life if things would of been different. But they were not.

My mother married scumbags from hell and hell is all I knew. I was raised with such horrible mental and emotional and physical abuse, it was to much and I didn't want to bring you there.

Even today I am still learning of the effects of it. As it still affects my life. I never knew I was gonna make it this long. I am surprised that I did. I had attempted suicide 2 times in my life, but I guess GOD wanted me here for a reason. And so here I am. But no longer suicidal. I have to much to live for.

I have 3 beautiful grand children. And 2 really cool kids. Good kids. I like to think that you are a good kid too. My son just turned 25 this year. He is all the man I have ever wanted. And altho I never had a father or a brother so to speak... (I do have a good father now, and half brothers). But in all my life I only wanted a good man around. There were none. So I created one. My son. He is a good man, married to the love of his youth and the father of 2 happy, loving daughters. He has the ideal love that most people only dream of.

My daughter just turned 18, she is struggling with life as her dad passed away of a drug overdose. I loved him deeply, but he couldn't stay away from the drugs. I mean bad drugs. And at that time, I had 4 kids here. I had no time or energy for the problems he brought into our lives. So I made him leave. And he did what he did and died doing it. So she is struggling with me trying to guide her into the way that is good. She has a really cool, fantastic, awesome son who just turned 3. I love all my grand children and I feel very blessed.

But then when I think about you my heart sinks. And I can only get by, knowing that I did the right thing for you. Because you see, I am not the greatest mother in the world. I have struggled with the demons who are always ready to attack me. And I stand on the blood of Jesus to keep them at bay. But I still feel lonely and helpless in my way. The only thing that I can feel good about is the fact that I did teach my children about true love. And in my heart I know that they will do better than I did. I do have the love that they need.

But I got lost somewhere along the way.

I have never chosen a man or a job over my kids. And when I inherited money, I decided to stay home with them to be here for them. And also it scared me to death to think about what would be going on here if I was gone most the day. I felt it was best for me to stay home and take care of things here. I don't feel that way so much right now, but I also think that if I was working, my daughter might be vulnerable to other people wanting to come in. And GOD knows what they would do. I have already lost so much from people coming in and seeing things and then stealing them. The worst was a speaker and speaker box. My grandfather had built the box and had some good speakers in them, but my son had changed them out and had put some really super great updated ones in there. And he didn't put the cover back on one. And one of the kids friends had seen it and came back that night when we were all in bed and broke in the kitchen window and stole it! You know... all I cared about was the box that my Grandfather had hand crafted. It just goes to show you that you cant trust people.

Sarah... it wasn't that I didn't love you... that I put you up for adoption. It was because I loved you so much and cared about your future that I did give you up. The DR was so understanding. He told me long long ago, in a land far away... women had what was called a love child. Before they could have one for themselves, they had to have one for others who were unable to bear children. It was a comfort to me.

So today... my prayer is, that you understand why. And that you are clear with the thoughts of my way that I could not let you be apart of. That you know that you are loved, more than you ever thought.

Every year in October, I remember you and mourn for the child lost to me.

But I am reminded that there were people who wanted you more than anything in the world. I was told they had a great life. They owned their own business and home. And they had a wonderful garden. And they had bought you a puppy and were going to get you a pony. And I was told, they named your middle name after me, your birth mother.

As the tears stream down my face, I count our blessings, not our pains. I know life isn't perfect, but I am a believer that some people are practically perfect. And in my thoughts, you are one of those practically perfect people, like my Grandparents were... for it was them who taught me what normal was.

GOD bless you Sara Lynn...

Never forget... You are truly loved!

Friday, November 13, 2009


I heard that the murderer of 13 people at Fort Hood may not be able to walk, ever.

And... that he >>> HAS PAIN IN HIS HANDS!


He should be glad that Texas has the death penalty.

He wont have to suffer forever!