When I first met Lee, I was not that fond of him, simply because I want my daughter to work things out with her babies daddy... but the way people are these days... being a 'ho' is not that big of a deal.
In fact... it is now for women, the way it used to be for men... you know... when men were dogs, they would laugh and joke and think it was great that they had all the women floundering at their feet.
I never thought it was funny... and I never gave any man the satisfaction of having that knowledge.
It wasn't hard to be hard... I had already lost the love of my life and learned my lesson well.
Now women are having the same attitude that some men have always had and loved about being a man. Now women are free for casual sex and loving it!
And now I often wonder 'what are they thinking?'
I think they are thinking about how fine they are (vanity is a sin)... and how its so great that all the men want them... and all that, without thinking that most men are like dogs and if they get a whiff, they gonna want some. Because our nature is to be animalistic. Even women, when they are ovulating... they are all over the men... because it is nature taking its course for survival. You can see in nature when a female cat or dog or any animal is in heat... how they act. So men should be careful when a woman is all hot on you... she could be ovulating!
It's natural to want to have sex... for most, but some do not prefer it.
Recently I have had an X brother in law contacting me wanting to have an affair. He has been asking for years... but recently he stepped up his game... saying, "Everyone does it!" I wonder if he thinks his wife is doing it?
Well, not only did I make a pact with my sisters that I would never do that with their men... but I also know there would be horrible consequences, according to GODS word, which will never change.
Some people want to change GODS word, but that would be a grave mistake of men to place themselves in a position to think that they can change the word of GOD!
So it has always been and will always be a terrible thing to be a 'ho'...
And my daughter was being a ho when she met Lee... I guess he was too.
And, it is popular for when they get a little money they go rent a hotel to party in.
And that is where she met Lee, at a hotel party.
Well, first she met him on Facebook, through another friend.
My kids have always brought home strays... cats, dogs and people!
And here came Lee...
He was a handsome man... German Irish I think... and he was polite... but still a mystery to me. And as I got to know him I really didn't like him. Or lets say, I saw the red flags.
But he seemed like he really loved my daughter and when she got pregnant, to him it was a good thing... he took good care of her. But in other ways he was not a very good man.
Lets go back a bit...
I discovered he was a thief... he worked for a moving company and would always bring in stuff and I became suspicious. When confronted with it, he didn't deny. Which struck me as strange.
He also told me how he was raised up by an alcoholic, drugged up not so good mother... which was reinforced later from his sister, she telling me her own horror stories.
Oh, I was mad... and even madder when I found out he got my daughter to use her name on a U-haul and then he and his buddy used it for... ummm, we can only wonder what for... but it ended up trashed out on the side of the road, they told U-Haul it was stolen. And U-Haul was mad at my daughter for it when she had nothing to do with it... that is when I told her they needed to go... and they did... but this was before she got pregnant.
I think even she was getting tired of the wrong things he did... but the worst was yet to come.
I didn't even know he was taking pills. I mean I am OK with the 'pot'... I have known many pot smokers along the way in my life and they are down right good people... it was the ones who went a step farther with the drugs or drinking that gave the most problems. And I just didn't know they were taking pills.
Well, they moved out... but my daughter... when she had enough she would call me crying and you know I am saying to her, 'come home'... I wanted her to come home alone but she refused. But come home she did, with her man in tow.
Oh, I heard often about how he had had a home and a vehicle and used to make 6 grand a month... but I never saw any of that. He did have a truck, but turned out it was the company truck and when he wrecked it, he lost it. Then he didn't have a job any more, he didn't even have a valid drivers licence:(
He did manage to work odd jobs, doing other things... but many days he was laid up here.
One day he went to the hospital, he was having a seizure on my daughters bed and we called the ambulance and they took him to the hospital and we found out he had thyroid issues and needed to be on medicine. And I also found out that he needed the Xnax that he was used to taking... the problem arose when he didn't have money to get his medicine. But I didn't know... his mother and sister came over and told me about Lees medical history and handed me the pills to give him. I wondered why a 30 year old man couldn't manage his own pills, but for some reason the family must of known he had a problem. I did hand the pills out to him, but when they were gone, that was it, he got new and took care of it himself.
I started talking to him more... asking questions and just getting to know the heart of Lee.
And I prayed... I asked GOD what to do...
And then my daughter became pregnant.
Lee was giddy with excitement!
But Lee was losing weight. I thought it was just because he wasn't working and wasn't eating... but GOD showed me another side. And one day GOD told me, 'Lee gets another chance!'
And I was really angry the day I said to Lee... "Look, I know where you come from, I know you have made many mistakes in your life and that was the life you chose to live in the past... but for some reason GOD is telling me that you get a second chance, so I hope you don't blow it!"
And I stomped off.
I could of never known at that time, that GOD was already making plans to take Lee out of his painful life. To take him home while he was being 'good'. And he WAS being good!
Life soon changed for us. Lee became more a part of the family, even though I had fought it tooth and nail in the past to get him away from my daughter, I had seen that was not working.
So, I ummm... let it go... and put it in GODS hands!
Lee showed a new side... he talked about the thieving and took GOD to heart and made the change. He even applied for disability... which he did get approved, but he never knew it.
I mean he knew he had a pretty good chance with his medical issues. We all knew the chance was good, so I settled down and watched this man bloom into a new person right before my eyes!
I soon knew, that I loved Lee like a son!
Oh yes... it was hard to see where he came from, I knew he would not do well... out there... but in here he was a God send! He loved to cook... and he also cleaned... and the most important part, he kept my daughter in line! He was about 8 years older than her and knew what the world offered and it was so important to him that she got up and went to school to continue her education, something I had fought with her for years about! And he really made a great house dad! My daughter had 2 rambunctious little boys and Lee was good for them too...
Oh things weren't perfect, but we were waiting for time to change things and for my daughter to graduate and he get his disability and they would get their own place.
GOD calmed my heart and made me understand and appreciate the man...
If GOD says 'give the kid a second chance'... I'm going to give the kid a second chance... because that is what GOD says to do. And I finally found it in my heart to love and accept this man as family... after all, he was the father of my last grandchild and would be around a long time...
And so it was... I felt normal... whole... like my daughter had finally found someone who could handle her! I was happy to see Lee in the kitchen making breakfast and dinner... he really turned out to be something... and seeing Lee smile lit up my life in a way that is hard to explain today!
GOD had taught me something that only a mothers heart could understand...
In this world where there is good and evil... and we choose to do evil doesn't mean that we can't learn the truth in life and choose the good way later when we find it!
Like me, Lee grew up in hell.
But that didn't limit him... like me, when he found the good he stuck with it! Lee learned and changed himself the hard way... he didn't fight the goodness that he had found... he embraced it!
The child was born, as you know... the new 3 month old baby I have never met because CPS found a little pot in the babies poop and made another family member take the baby.
Lee was very upset about this... we had all told my daughter to stop smoking pot while she was pregnant! But she just didn't think it was that big of a deal... so now we all suffer.
Something else I remember about Lee... he was in a lot of mental and emotional pain... and it was not getting any better... he was fighting with his 8 year old sons baby momma during the day about seeing the boy, she had not seen the difference in him, she only remembered the old Lee and wouldnt let him see his son... and also he was fighting with my daughters babies daddy at night. I felt so sorry for him... he didn't really want to argue with them... he just wanted his life to be normal.
Lee did not want his family to raise his daughter. He was almost in tears when he talked about it, he wanted so badly to raise his own kid. He was struggling with this issue too... we were all on edge, but they went to hire a lawyer and boy was he on the ball in calling them and asking them, 'wtf'... yes, that was his way... I never thought you should talk like that to a lawyer... in my mind it is counter productive... and I told him not to talk like that and my Grand mother used to say "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"... but he said he had to, to get things done!
Of course there was no more 'pot smoking' for either of them! Things were going as well as can be expected, considering the circumstances. Lee and my daughter were making good plans and they were doing the right things... they were even going to church with a neighbor!
All was well...
He was really getting into the 'good groove' the night before he died.
Instead of fighting with people, he had made some friends and he was walking home from their house... just a block and a half away... and he was accosted by some drunk men who thought he had broke into their truck... now, if that was the case, why was the blood stain down round the corner??? If Lee was breaking into their truck why wasn't the blood stain next to the truck? Why didn't they hold him and call the police? I never believed them, I knew Lee wouldn't do that... that was never his MO anyway... he didn't break into places or vehicles... he just lifted things in his moving job that came easy for him. I will never believe he broke into any vehicle... and it is my neighbors who I have known for years... I am very close with the mom. And it was her husband and their son and 3 more men who jumped in the car and chased after Lee around the corner... what I think happened was he was drinking... and we have always had a problem in this neighborhood with vehicles being broke into... but it wasn't Lee... however I do believe he got into a verbal altercation with these men... and they chased him down and beat him. Now I wasn't there but Lee came home and told people here that the 5 men chased him and while they were kicking him when he was down, he asked them... "what did I do?... are you trying to kill me?" and one guy said, "yeah mother fucker, we're gonna kill you!" Well, words spouted in a drunken rage... you know if these men would not of been drunk it wouldn't of happened... and besides, they didn't know who he was... the mother was shocked when I told her.
Well, he survived the beating... but it was later said to play a part in his death.
My part came into play the next day... it was Feb 8th, 2015.
I remember walking down the sidewalk early in the morning and saw a huge blood stain and thought, wow... looks like what ever happened here killed the animal... you see, I thought it was from a dog fight... I had gone to bed early on the 7th... so I was not up when Lee had come home after being beaten... but I did see the fresh blood on the sidewalk on the morning of the 8th. I had been away with the children all the day and was walking home about 5:15 PM... I stopped and again looked at the blood... wondering what had happened, the blood was so thick.
When I got home I already knew from text that my daughter was waiting on Lees sister to take him to the hospital... she had talked to the husband who said he would go pick the sister up at work at 5pm and they would be coming... because my daughter knew that Lees sister could make him go to the hospital... because Lee had refused to go... and told my daughter if she called an ambulance he would break up with her... and she was scared... my daughter is not a strong person... she was very upset telling me the story of what had happened to Lee the night before.
I knew immediately that was Lees thick blood on the sidewalk...
We went in to check on Lee and I saw he was breathing... I thought he was sleeping... but I was concerned with the way he was looking... I grew nervous... and for the next 90 minutes or so we spent going in and checking on Lee and standing at the edge of the driveway watching every black truck that pulled into the hood... "there they are"... but there they were not. So when we went in and saw he was not breathing my daughter called 911 even though he had told her not to... he would just have to understand... I would tell him I made her call. Didn't matter at that point...
Because when the ambulance got there, they pronounced him dead.
I will never understand the workings of the human body... how could he of been dead? Could his heart of given out before his lungs? Could he of bleed to death internally and we just didn't know?
Oh I was angry... and took the police right to the blood stain and told them how he was beaten... they collected a sample of the blood and they did go get the guys... took them and my daughter downtown for hours.
I was in shock for hours... I almost fell on the floor when the EMT had said 'lividity' had set in ... I didn't know what that meant... I thought they would take him to the hospital and when I said "what is that?"... the man closest to me said, "he's gone" ... yeah, I almost fell to the floor... the man helped me to the couch as my daughter starts screaming in hysterics...
Our world was falling apart!
I don't remember the time passing... I just remember the events... me sitting on the couch... them bringing my daughter to sit beside me... and the one EMT on the floor printing out the paper that said Lee was dead. Them telling my daughter it was not her fault... even if they would of come out and he refused treatment there was nothing they could do. It was understandable she hesitating to call when he had told her if she did he would break up with her... there was so much information at that point, all I could do was stare. And then they told us that lots of people would soon be in my house... and they were so right...not just the 8 to 10 fire and ambulance people, but police and homicide detectives filled the place... they told us not to worry...
The police knew Lee... I think they knew him in a way that I did not.
He was a 7 time felon. Well, I knew that... that was a 'red flag' but I watched him change!
You know at that point all you can do is breathe...
So I didn't know it was hours that had passed... it was about 11:30PM when his sister showed up... thank GOD she never got past the police... but she was screaming in the streets... and I remember I said to the detective... "Oh sure... now she shows up."
We had to go outside and sit and wait for them to do all their stuff. I didn't care. I always keep the house where anyone at anytime can walk in and it be appropriate. Even smoking... couldn't smoke in the house... I always gave the other grandparents open door invitations to come see the babies... so it was important to me to keep the house acceptable in the eyes of THE PEOPLE. So I wasn't worried about a house full of these people... in fact every one of them was awesome... we were treated very well and I love the people who were here and helped us through that horrible event! I don't know any of their names... but they all played a part of getting us through some very dark hours.
Lees funeral was a disaster...
For starters... I don't know what makes me feel the way I am feeling about this issue... but I had told Lee and my daughter I would meet my new grand daughter when they were able to bring her home and present her to me... I just didn't want to go meet her and have her ripped away again, Oh yeah, like I am such a horrible person... so I couldn't bring myself to meet my new grand daughter at the funeral... I just kept my head down and got through it as best I could, crying my heart out... not only for Lee but for my heart breaking... aching to hold my grand daughter... but I stand on my word... I will meet her when my daughter can bring her to me with no one sitting along side watching my every move... and then snatching the baby away saying 'oh but you cant take her because you are an evil demon pot smoker..."
So I sat in the back and after it was over... my daughter and her friends went out side... and my niece came and said, "Lets go"... but I had to go up and say goodbye to Lee... I was the last one there... all others had rushed outside when a commotion happened when a little boy told my daughter that 'she was never getting her daughter back'... I didn't know that was going on... I just was moving slow... and when I worked my way outside, there was this huge obese woman yelling at me to "Hurry Up!, your moving to slow... no one wants you here." I looked at her like she was all crazy and told her, "Wow... no wonder Lee didn't want to live with his family." To which she stuck her middle finger in my face... and I said... "Oh... your showing your class... not to good for a funeral." And I was ushered away by an aunt who had a little more compassion. I later learned that not all the funeral goers felt the same way as this horrible woman... and for her to verbally attack me... I later found out was most likely only to cover up for her very own brother, who had helped Lee get illegal pharmaceutical drugs. Yes... I soon found out that it was one of Lees sisters and her husband, who helped Lee get illegal pills and I was told that he had taken 10-16 of them! So I called the detective with my new info... which he already knew... and I also told him that Lees family was being horrible and spreading lies that we killed Lee. He told me not to worry about it. We just had to wait for the autopsy results.
WHAT??? It was hard for me to let go of that mess.
Well, now I understand. And would you believe that the sister and her husband who is brother to the woman who verbally assaulted me at the funeral, has moved out of town?
The test results came back.
It was a combination of the beating and the lack of medicine for his thyroid... and...
A drug overdose?
It was much worse than I had thought. It wasn't just the Xanax...
There was heroin???
I am shocked beyond belief... I never thought that would be on there! Sadly Lee thought he could be his own Dr and I hear heroin is a pain reliever... and he was surely in a lot of pain! However I do not believe he did that on purpose... he had to much to live for... he thought he could handle it.
But honestly I'm not surprised that GOD took him home... poor Lee... tried to escape 'the past' and not even a new start could save him. Well, of course not... because GOD took Lee when he was GOOD... not perfect... as we all know there are certain weaknesses that turn into addictions that some of us will never understand...
I am all for the natural herb, bearing seed... but man made drugs will kill you!
So GOD taking Lee like that... ensured that we will see him again in heaven...
Because even Lee had his sin...
Sin that was forgiven by GOD...
And the promise is to us all... we will no longer die in our sin if Jesus is on our side. Jesus died for our sin. And even tho Lees weakness was a sin... GOD brought him through hell to know PEACE and LOVE and JOY in the miracle of childbirth.
Sometimes I think Lee is still here in the spirit...
But I am more inclined to believe that he is with his old Grandma that he loved so much!
And I am thankful that he is at last free from the addiction.
And at peace.
Learning to love Lee was a real challenge for me... but GOD showed me a lot about life through Lee and sharing GODS love with people even if they never thought they deserved it was worth the effort to show them that they really do deserve it... I will always keep a part of him safe and secure in my heart and will someday tell his daughter, my grand daughter... what a great guy her daddy was... and how happy he was that she was born...
... may you never feel an ounce of pain again...