Blessed by GOD, to be loud and proud of what is good and right and true! GOD bless us, Everyone! IJCNA

Wednesday, May 21, 2014


I made the title 'abortion' all caps cause that's how heavy this issue is weighing in my heart.

This is going to be a hard blog to write, but bear with me because I put it all in GODs hands.

I can talk about abortion because I had one.

It was one of the darkest times of my life. If I would of had good parents to show me the way 'against sin', I would of not had this happen. But my parents were both caught up in following their own sin and I followed right along in sin :(

Yes, I had an abortion. And being the person that I am, I must tell you the horrible truth of this.

OK, my problems began... (or a new set of problems began)... when I was rudely interrupted with my 1st love by a meddling mother who got mad at my good friend for calling her a bitch, (she was a bitch) but I got in trouble because it made my mother mad and she sent me away to live with my dad, who lived in the country with his 3rd wife and family. That was the first... or the second tragedy in my life... the first was being born to a mother who loved herself more than anyone else, including her children.

So I am thinking I was around 14. (I had met my true love at 13)

But my chance for happiness was over as I watched the love of my life walk away with one of my best friends. The friend who called my mother a bitch. I think it was the summer of '73, we were all out of school, and it was the 3 of us that day hanging out, me... my true love and my good friend, (the friend who called my mother a bitch for reasons I won't get into here). But, I think this is one of the first times I realized we could be punished for speaking the truth!

So there they went... I can still see them walking away and me crying, after my mother ordered them off my grand parents property. I am wondering how my grand parents must of felt about that? :(

I suffer to this day because of this mess. Because...

When I went to live with my dad and his new family, my 'true love' found a new love!

I was so depressed. Started Sr High in the country. Boys would give me attention, but I was so in love with my true love that none of them could get my attention. One of the boys who liked me stole a ring my true love gave me, I think it was because it was a very nice mans ring... and they shared the same initials, R.

So after a time at my dads, I did go back to my Grandparents. I remember when I told my dad I wanted to go back, he said, "Don't let the door hit you in the ass." I cant tell you how that made me feel :(

Well, I think I was 15 by the time I got back to my Grandparents. Thank GOD my mother had left. It was a great thing! Things were at peace, finally. And my true love? He came back to me! But it got all strange, because he was a foot ball player and his new girl was a cheer leader, where did that leave this strange elusive poet singer song writer? The one who could be found sitting with friends under a tree playing a guitar and singing the blues. We had some good times. But it was difficult because he was having trouble with her. Looking back, I am sure he was in a terrible state of mind. I knew he loved me because he came and spent time with me and we spent hours on the phone during the evenings. There is so much to this story but that will have to wait for another time because it wasn't about all that, my point is,  I was frustrated and upset, I had given him everything, even my virginity... to try to keep him. And I probably could of kept him had I not done what my mother told me to do.

Because in school, she was his girlfriend and out of school he was mine. I had given him time enough to shake her, but some women just cant be shook. And some of the people at school made up lies about me to make me look bad. Horrible lies. I was so upset, he was so upset... My mother had told me on the phone I could come live with her (out of state). And she also told me if it was her, she would get back at him... well, I took my mothers advice and... 'had sex with his best friend' and left town... to get back at him... (Who in their right mind can 'get someone back' for dealing out pain resulting from the original sin? GOD alone can do this!) As unbelievable as sounds, I left and went to my mothers.

I gave in to the dark side... I lived in the dark side for years.  Only to go back to my grandparents a year later after one of my mothers friends maliciously raped me.

So back in Houston, I went to school and went to work. No way was I going to get my love back after I destroyed it following my mothers advice. I filled my life with school and a job and hanging out with my friends. And, of course I started dating. This is when I got pregnant. I was so hungry for love...  I was 18 by then, in my last year of high school.

I had to save face for my Grandparents. I feel like I was forced to leave, because my older sister had just come up pregnant... but she was living on her own. My Grandparents were so upset, I couldn't possibly tell them I was pregnant! But a friend of mines older sister helped me gather my stuff... And again, I went back to my mothers... But by then she had found GOD and I was OK. I met a man in the church she went to. I think GOD led me there... because of the letter I wrote and buried in my Grandparents backyard.

This man was fun. And I think he loved me. But I was still in love with my first love. And I always thought he was still in love with his first love too. But GOD has HIS reasons for everything. And after I had the baby and put it up for adoption... (another tragedy in my life)... I married that man. We had some good years together. The first 5 of them, it was just him and I... at 5 years together, I got pregnant and we had a son. Ten years all together. I asked GOD why I had to go through that... and the answer was for >my son< ... And to be honest, I never stopped loving my 1st love. And after the years had passed, I was really messed up in the head. I did go through 3 years of psychotherapy after I was caught with a gun in my mouth.

And after I left my sons dad, I got pregnant by a kid! He was just 19! Again, I feel like I had no choice... except to have an abortion. What a mess! :(

The abortion almost killed me. Afterwards I never got well and started bleeding really bad.  A friend told me to go lay down... but I was feeling so weird my Grandmother took me to the hospital... where they did a DNC because of pieces left over from the abortion. I asked the nurse in the hospital what would of happened if I would of just gone to my bed? She told me, I would of laid there and bled to death. Wow... So... a death for a death I suppose, but GOD had other plans for me!

So now... I can understand a lot about abortion. Of course it goes against GODs will... but that is to preserve the human race. I don't think we have this problem anymore. However we do have other problems. And that is problems of teen pregnancy... and young adults getting drunk and having unprotected sex... unwanted babies! So there is an argument here. Maybe those babies would be better off being aborted and going straight to GOD, rather to be born into a life where they would have being unwanted.

And if you are protesting abortion, I sure hope you have 20 adopted children in your house! Because if you can protest abortion, you can also stand up and take care of the ones who were actually born unwanted, into this world. If you can go out and protest against abortion and then go home to the peace and quiet and comfort where children don't run around and break things and make messes or make loud noises or keep you up all night crying in pain...  then you are not knowledgeable about children and shouldn't be opposing someone else's choice not to have them.

Now see, If I wasn't sinning... I wouldn't of gotten pregnant in the first place.

Here is another perspective. I have a friend. She is so very lonely these days! She is always complaining about being alone in life. So I went to GOD...  prayed to GOD on her behalf. And I sure got a surprise! My friend confessed to me that she had had 2 abortions in her past. She said she wasn't ready for kids... so... she had made her choices. Now she is suffering because GOD gave her a chance to have kids... she rejected them. So now she is alone in life :(

But on the other hand... (Lord, I could argue with myself all day about this issue) She is free to do what ever she wants... she is still able to go out and party with her friends. She has the freedom to go and do all she wants without anyone sucking the life out of her! She has a great job and lives in a gated community... goes out and rides her bike in the evenings! She has a great life from my point of view... but from her perspective she is lonely. Wants someone to love. Wants someone to love her. But she 'cooked her own goose' when she chose to have abortions! Now she lives as she always has... goes out... gets drunk... its how society works, after work! You meet your friends at a bar and you relieve your stress. And then she goes home alone... to a quiet, clean house where everything is in its place! She can go to bed and sleep without interruptions... she only has to worry about herself... feeding herself... doing her own laundry. Now, I see this as the best way to live. Its easier to live as a single person rather than live with people who argue with you. People who see you as the enemy. Yes some people see me as the enemy because I want them to stop partying... stop drinking... come home... do right... save the party for the weekends! But no... both my daughter and her dad are party animals. But now my daughter, she has learned she cannot be a party animal because she has kids. But for her dad... he still is gone all evening... comes in late... He loves the drinking... the hanging out with his buddies. And of course with him, he has issues. I live my life for my Grand kids. I wish I had that perfect life where people love each other more than anyone or anything else. It makes my heart sad to know my babies daddy loves the booze more than he loves me. It is hard to love someone who disrespects you like that. But that's my babies dad. I just do the best I can and leave the rest to GOD... GOD will work it all out one day!

So in my personal opinion... in a perfect world we would not have abortions, this is true.  But we do not live in a perfect world. In fact we live in a very corrupted world. People killing... thinking its the right thing to do. The truth of the matter goes so deep its hard to wrap our minds around it.

The thing is we shouldn't judge anyone for having an abortion. And we need to make 'safe abortions' available for those who choose this route... because we know that with every abortion there is a personal story we could never understand without walking in their shoes. We cant pass our own thoughts on to everyone because not everyone has the same perspective. There is diversity so there are different ways to live... and there are different ways to die.  We can't play GOD with other peoples lives... and we must allow them the freedom of personal choice. After all that is what life is all about here in America! The freedom to choose... and the freedom not to choose.

And in the end... my friend is in her own little hell for aborting her two babies... because if she had not... she would not be alone today. She would of had 2 children... like I did... I thank GOD that HE knew my heart well enough to bless me with one more child. You see I have done it all. Had a baby put it up for adoption... and had my own 2... and had 1 abortion... and had a few miscarriages. So I am lucky to have my children to love... and now, their children love me! Wow... do I ever feel the LOVE!

And I thank GOD for it!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014


Knowing that this blog is read around the world, it sorta calls me in here to keep posting! And I am in amazement as I add two more countries to the list. And I see some are coming back from others. Today I have hit 3016 readers from 36 countries! And that is with no publicity! I am amazed!  My connection with PEOPLE is in the whole of the body of GOD. For some reason I am able to back up and see with my spiritual eyes. I have a theory about it, it goes back to the hell I lived in as a child. The child abuse I suffered for 10 years. At a very young age I learned to take myself out of myself and I would watch my mother beat me naked, from up high in the corner of the room. I couldn't feel the beatings up there. Was I fixing to die? I guess not cause I never went farther than that corner in the top of the room and cried in the spirit. Looking back it helps me to understand pain. I guess GOD always has a plan.

I have to say, the spirit that I use here, I use in my own life... if I say something about someone, its nothing that I would not say to myself. You hear that? KEB?  Its sorta like acknowledging the truth when you see it, even if you try to deny the truth but its like, there IN YOUR FACE. Like, if at some time I am being lazy... I will hear that voice inside telling me, 'HEY your being lazy! Get up and do something!'

Its been a rough row and I have learned a thing or two about life and people who lie and people who hurt other people. Very few times in my life, I have seen GOOD PEOPLE at work. I wish I would of had more good people in my life but my hell was kept as a family secret. And I was told to lie to the establishment. (so weird, I had to lie when I was afraid of them, but when I became free of them I never lied) and I don't lie. I remember for years I told an untruth, but only because I was misled and I didn't know better. But when I did learn it was an untruth, from that time I learned to be very sure of my knowledge. I feel like our brains are like computers, we get out of it what we put into it. So feed your brains good stuff, PEOPLE!

Anyways, I did have a specific thought coming in here... mistakes... hahaha... mistakes are sins that men knew in ancient times and recorded as something that is bad. Like for example... fornication... oh yeah, fornication is a sin and I am a sinner, because I did some fornicating in my life. Thank GOD I live in America where I am still here to tell you what a bad mistake that was! HA! Now, if we as young people wouldn't fornicate, we wouldn't have the problems we have today with teen pregnancies and unwed mothers... much less have tv shows to tell us who the daddy is! Now, we as a people prob don't think much about fornicating being a sin... but I wanted to use it because it is so common...  and in some cases the kids have protected themselves with prophylactics, but that doesn't work with the emotional issues that just the act alone causes... all the kids know is, it feels good. Yeah... sin is pleasurable! It always is... :)

All sin is like this. There are severe reactions/consequences to every sin... being lazy... nothing gets done... being drunk... you do stupid things... if you over eat, that is gluttony, and look what happens to people who over eat! Oh Lord have mercy! And you got to know, I saw this really fat woman walking along the road... and she had on those flesh colored tights... OMG... it looked like she was walking naked from the waist down! Ladies... PLEASE don't do this! Modesty is beautiful!

I love to watch The Newlywed Game on Bouce TV. I watch it every day! And I especially love it because I am able to see their spirits... lol... and really it is delightful to see love in action and for the most part I only feel love from The Newlywed game! And it makes me smile when the couples say they were virgins when they got married. That tells me that some parents are paying attention and making the kids pay attention too. There are lots of good people in the world... because basically around the world, except a few exceptions, THE PEOPLE are happy and enjoying life and they are teaching the ways that are good and right.

I know there are people who are bitter. And I have seen young people already bitter because life has sin and we all sin so we all gonna have some problems from it. Until we realize the truth and respect GOD and HIS ways... and follow them. That is the only sure fire way your gonna have a good life, is if you choose to follow the way that is good and there are many good people out there helping people find the way! You can get help by the Church or State. Well at least in some places you can get help. It is a shame that is some areas some people still sacrifice for sin and are not understanding or showing the LOVE!

I wish I could go back and have a redo but I can't. But you... if your young... you still have a chance to have a really good life... just allow THE PEOPLE to lead with LOVE...

I got a nice surprise yesterday... I went to my oldest grand daughters singing program at school. And you may not believe this but I proclaim it as TRUTH! The first thing they did was say a PRAYER to GOD! WOW! And we all prayed! Everyone of us! Not one complaint in the whole building! So I want to THANK GOD that HE is still there in our local school! And these wonderful people, I didn't even mind the grown ups patting each other on the back! True I wasn't involved with their thing... but I felt the joy of the Lord!

Please PEOPLE... know that the way to do things is to fight the sin that wants to win... this is what life is all about... fighting the sin within... WE as a PEOPLE will win the fight against sin when we all realize that sin is in... its the fun exciting life adventure that you want to try to stay away from... again... like adultery... Lord I cant even count ever the problems that this particular sin has caused... I am sure most people today has a story of fornication or adultery... come on... we can do BETTER!

In the meantime... we as a people will continue to suffer from our own choices as individuals.

Fight the nature of the beast! Claim your control of bad habits!

Think before you do something! Think about all the things that could happen if you do that sin.

We should never sit in judgment of others for sin because we are all sinners.

But there will come a time when PPP's run the world and there will be peace! For those who don't know what I mean when I say PPP... or Triple Ps... it came from May Poppins! Remember this quote?

"PRACTICALLY PERFECT PEOPLE, never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking!"

Gotta LOVE me some Mary Poppins!

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Today, Mothers Day

Something just happened that I want to always remember... and I want my Grand daughter to be able to remember what happened here tonight... I went to post to Twitter, but the feelings were to much for Twitter... and I certainly can't put this on Facebook... because I don't want people to misunderstand my motives or have people starting gossiping about my vanity. So I came to put this here, so she will be able to read it when she grows up! And please know, I am not vain as you will understand as I tell my memory of the moment!

I have really been having a hard time lately, fighting demons. Stressed, but believing that GOD will take care of everything! And so moments like these are precious... and the way that I am feeling right now is precious!

My Grand daughters came to bring me candy and flowers!

I feel like the luckiest grandmother! These girls are such good girls... and I know they will do well because they are being raised in a good home with good parents and extended family who love them. I have been blessed the last several years to be the Nanny to these girls... teaching them certain things they need to know to survive in this world. GOD has truly blessed me with these girls who love me!

So, as they were leaving and I bent down to hug my youngest grand daughter and she said, " Nanny, your beautiful!"  HAHAHAHA... she is not used to seeing me with my hair down and I am wearing a pretty lacy night gown. I was ready for bed when they walked down. But when she spoke those words... you couldn't know how that makes a Grandmother feel!

You see, when I heard these words coming from my little 5 year old grand daughter... it was something special... it was like she was seeing into my soul... saw the person who was the survivor of hell and who learned to live with LOVE leading and guiding the way!

Love is beautiful!

There was one other time I have felt this way... was when my dad said I was beautiful... after I had not seen him for a long time! This touches me in my heart... lol... tell me I'm beautiful and I am like 'nay' what the hay, what do you want... but coming from this little girl, speaking from her heart tells me she is going to be beautiful from the inside out too when she grows up!

My Grandmother used to always say... "Pretty is as pretty does... ya gotta act pretty to be pretty!"

And I am blessed to also carry on the tradition!

GOD saved me from hell and allowed me to show my family the way to heaven!

THANK YOU GOD for that! (I am as always, your humble servant!)

Thank you Jesus, for teaching us to LOVE ONE ANOTHER!


Friday, May 09, 2014

Thanking GOD for Homs!

I am feeling very appreciative that the Islamic militia has left Homs, Syria.

This is a lesson to be learned! Be glad you were given a chance to get the hell out of Dodge!

You just cant go around throwing your weight around and expect to win when you are on the losing side. We as a PEOPLE should respect one another's differences. And stop the jihad that is related to Islam.

It is 2014 for heavens sake!

I pray that GOD allows that the holy St Elian Church will be repaired.

And THE PEOPLE can get down to the real business of running a successful country!

The WORLD will never accept Islam as a world dominated religion. It can be around the world if it chooses to do the right thing and take the 'man wanna be god' laws out of Islam, specifically the Sharia Law that has gotten everyone into a huff! I am not the only one who stands against Sharia Law and I am grateful for ALL THE PEOPLE, Christian, Muslim, Jew or Athiests... who are fighting to save Islam from Sharia.

Jesus... the son of GOD taught us to LOVE ONE ANOTHER... I don't see the Islamic militia religious police giving out much love. I see them hating anyone who is not of them... and pushing themselves on others and murdering the ones who object to their actions through jihad.

GOD save the earth from all people who want to play god with the lives of others!


Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Evolution Of Mankind

One of the worst things in life is to be misunderstood... or misconstrued in your talk...  or just the simple misconception of the human race in general. It is a human race. A race of humans.. not a race of monkeys... if man evolved from monkeys or the ape family... how do we still have apes and monkeys?...  why are they not evolving? Come on, we are way smarter than that!

I will tell you why, because we DID NOT come from apes! We have always been A PEOPLE!

The man who said we came from apes, was searching for an answer to the age old question to satisfy his peer's... Where did we come from? HAHAHA... so weird to think that some people would actually believe this untruth! Some ole guy who wants to dazzle the world with his brilliance had to baffle em with BS... because the truth is... we don't know how we got here or where we came from! We can only make educated guesses as A PEOPLE to satisfy the curiosity of those who have nothing else better to do than ponder this question! And really, we shouldn't care where we came from! What matters is what are we doing with ourselves today? The world is changing... we are 'evolving as A PEOPLE'!

I can tell you this, we have always been people... but long ago, we lived like animals... until the word came. And the word was the common communication of TRUTH and LOVE among THE PEOPLE! And the word was celebrated among THE PEOPLE. We love the truth in the word!

And hence...  the beginning of the intellect!

Just because they lived long ago didn't make them stupid.

They lived how they were taught... off the land... they knew how to grow/raise food!

The people were divided. Rich and poor. And this is the way it was, a society where there is only poor people and the few who were looked at as gods and well taken care of as kings. And it is a difference that comes with nature. As some people have no clue what to do with money. Some people look at money as something to be coveted and created at all costs! And others see it for what it is... a tool that we use to get by in this life!

That's the great thing about America... through hard work and dedication... we can come from a poor family and make it rich! We can do the right thing at the right time and it works out the right way!

The great USA where men are respected by what they don't do... and condemned for what they do do!
Ooooops, pun intended!  (I can explain in more detail that statement if needed.)

But the evolution that I do see going on is this... THE PEOPLE keep changing!

We only have one chance at this thing called life and if we screw it up, well someone will come along and clean up your mess but you will always be remembered as the person who made your own mess!

I know in my heart my Grandmother... GOD love her... and also in my heart I know my Grand children... and to share the love with different people like this means so much... and at the same time you know that they never knew each other, because TIME is what changes us... not our dna... we morph into something we could never know as a child... an old person.

Ahhhhh,  the trails and trials the old folk could speak of!

Times of trials and triumphs along the trail of life that kept us going to see what's around the next corner!

When I was a kid I was so naive... I sure didn't know the things I know today! Along the way was a sort of evolution under my own skin, that led the way and gave me the experience I needed to teach my Grandchildren! And that is why I know what is good for us as A PEOPLE. I care about all of us as A PEOPLE... and even the ones who are yet to come!

There are things that I could speak of that could be good or bad about being young and being old.

There are good things and there are bad things in life.

I am not here for that argument.

I am here to say to enjoy the ride along the way.

To seek the truth and to seek the joy

for every girl and for every boy!

Its all about what we teach our youth...

I pray we don't forsake the TRUTH!

Friday, May 02, 2014

Sterlings Slur

I will never say its OK to slur anyone for anything! Especially when it comes to race, because we all bleed red blood and as far as the spirit... GOD doesn't see flesh color in the spiritual realm.

Sometimes its OK to get mad and use constructive criticism, but slurs and name calling of any kind is not productive. In fact it is counter productive!

However, people are not perfect!

So, I would like to see one person stand up and say (without lying) that they have never ever said anything derogatory about anyone... ever! Show me this perfect person!

I do not see Sterling as a hate filled man. I see him as a victim.

I can't count how many times I have said or have heard people say things they shouldn't.

When I was young, my Grandmother always said, "If you cant say something nice, don't say anything at all." And these are really good words to live by. And in a perfect world this is like... law!

But we are all human and have emotions that cause us to have opinions that maybe we shouldn't express, because it is the angry part of us that does this.

It is the weak man who spouts everything he thinks! Because in the spirit you have both the good and the evil telling you what to do... and you have your own opinion too, so you got to know whose doing the talking!

Also, we MUST remember that this man is OLD... and I hear he is sick!

So, he is sick and he is old and he is in his own house, feeling grumpy and irritable and says something he shouldn't. He prob knew in his heart he shouldn't think like that... but sometimes the devil makes us do and say things, just because we are weak and scared and want to feel a sense of 'power of the personal opinion'. And it would seem right that we should be able to make some mistakes in our own home.

I see the girlfriend who recorded him, as the wrong doer.

She should of known he was old and frail and grouchy and talking out his ass!

But I think her motives were different! I think she never really loved him as much as she said she did. In fact, I am feeling a lot of anger and hate and greed coming from her. She wanted to ruin this man for some reason. Some private reason that he wont even talk about. But I personally believe it was because she was jealous of his power... she wanted his power... and her plan was to break it when she couldn't get it!

So what if he is a grouch and talks shit about other people! HA! We have people making BIG BUCKS to do this.    Ohhhhh but it was the words coming from him... Ahhh!

Some people don't choose their words to carefully when they are talking out their ass.

But to see the back lash of hate from the people is what scares me!

Instead of feeling sorry and having pity on this old grouchy person who is about to die and knows it.. we are all hating him and openly being mean back to him. This is not the way to be PEOPLE!

We should forgive this man! Feel sorry for his human weakness!

Who is perfect among us and has never misspoke? (or never got recorded doing it?)

True, he said something he shouldn't. But don't we all at one time or another?

We have really reached a new low when we victimize the sick elderly people for making a mistake. And it was a mistake. And Sterling knows it! I don't see him lasting much longer after so much hatred is poured on him... like he is a fire to be put out!

And I am going to pray in Jesus name, for GOD to help bring 'the girl friend' to a MORAL and right place... and give her back 100% of what she put out to Sterling!

GOD forgives you Sterling... to bad some people don't!

Thursday, May 01, 2014

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