ABORTION
I made the title 'abortion' all caps cause that's how heavy this issue is weighing in my heart.
This is going to be a hard blog to write, but bear with me because I put it all in GODs hands.
I can talk about abortion because I had one.
It was one of the darkest times of my life. If I would of had good parents to show me the way 'against sin', I would of not had this happen. But my parents were both caught up in following their own sin and I followed right along in sin :(
Yes, I had an abortion. And being the person that I am, I must tell you the horrible truth of this.
OK, my problems began... (or a new set of problems began)... when I was rudely interrupted with my 1st love by a meddling mother who got mad at my good friend for calling her a bitch, (she was a bitch) but I got in trouble because it made my mother mad and she sent me away to live with my dad, who lived in the country with his 3rd wife and family. That was the first... or the second tragedy in my life... the first was being born to a mother who loved herself more than anyone else, including her children.
So I am thinking I was around 14. (I had met my true love at 13)
But my chance for happiness was over as I watched the love of my life walk away with one of my best friends. The friend who called my mother a bitch. I think it was the summer of '73, we were all out of school, and it was the 3 of us that day hanging out, me... my true love and my good friend, (the friend who called my mother a bitch for reasons I won't get into here). But, I think this is one of the first times I realized we could be punished for speaking the truth!
So there they went... I can still see them walking away and me crying, after my mother ordered them off my grand parents property. I am wondering how my grand parents must of felt about that? :(
I suffer to this day because of this mess. Because...
When I went to live with my dad and his new family, my 'true love' found a new love!
I was so depressed. Started Sr High in the country. Boys would give me attention, but I was so in love with my true love that none of them could get my attention. One of the boys who liked me stole a ring my true love gave me, I think it was because it was a very nice mans ring... and they shared the same initials, R.
So after a time at my dads, I did go back to my Grandparents. I remember when I told my dad I wanted to go back, he said, "Don't let the door hit you in the ass." I cant tell you how that made me feel :(
Well, I think I was 15 by the time I got back to my Grandparents. Thank GOD my mother had left. It was a great thing! Things were at peace, finally. And my true love? He came back to me! But it got all strange, because he was a foot ball player and his new girl was a cheer leader, where did that leave this strange elusive poet singer song writer? The one who could be found sitting with friends under a tree playing a guitar and singing the blues. We had some good times. But it was difficult because he was having trouble with her. Looking back, I am sure he was in a terrible state of mind. I knew he loved me because he came and spent time with me and we spent hours on the phone during the evenings. There is so much to this story but that will have to wait for another time because it wasn't about all that, my point is, I was frustrated and upset, I had given him everything, even my virginity... to try to keep him. And I probably could of kept him had I not done what my mother told me to do.
Because in school, she was his girlfriend and out of school he was mine. I had given him time enough to shake her, but some women just cant be shook. And some of the people at school made up lies about me to make me look bad. Horrible lies. I was so upset, he was so upset... My mother had told me on the phone I could come live with her (out of state). And she also told me if it was her, she would get back at him... well, I took my mothers advice and... 'had sex with his best friend' and left town... to get back at him... (Who in their right mind can 'get someone back' for dealing out pain resulting from the original sin? GOD alone can do this!) As unbelievable as sounds, I left and went to my mothers.
I gave in to the dark side... I lived in the dark side for years. Only to go back to my grandparents a year later after one of my mothers friends maliciously raped me.
So back in Houston, I went to school and went to work. No way was I going to get my love back after I destroyed it following my mothers advice. I filled my life with school and a job and hanging out with my friends. And, of course I started dating. This is when I got pregnant. I was so hungry for love... I was 18 by then, in my last year of high school.
I had to save face for my Grandparents. I feel like I was forced to leave, because my older sister had just come up pregnant... but she was living on her own. My Grandparents were so upset, I couldn't possibly tell them I was pregnant! But a friend of mines older sister helped me gather my stuff... And again, I went back to my mothers... But by then she had found GOD and I was OK. I met a man in the church she went to. I think GOD led me there... because of the letter I wrote and buried in my Grandparents backyard.
This man was fun. And I think he loved me. But I was still in love with my first love. And I always thought he was still in love with his first love too. But GOD has HIS reasons for everything. And after I had the baby and put it up for adoption... (another tragedy in my life)... I married that man. We had some good years together. The first 5 of them, it was just him and I... at 5 years together, I got pregnant and we had a son. Ten years all together. I asked GOD why I had to go through that... and the answer was for >my son< ... And to be honest, I never stopped loving my 1st love. And after the years had passed, I was really messed up in the head. I did go through 3 years of psychotherapy after I was caught with a gun in my mouth.
And after I left my sons dad, I got pregnant by a kid! He was just 19! Again, I feel like I had no choice... except to have an abortion. What a mess! :(
The abortion almost killed me. Afterwards I never got well and started bleeding really bad. A friend told me to go lay down... but I was feeling so weird my Grandmother took me to the hospital... where they did a DNC because of pieces left over from the abortion. I asked the nurse in the hospital what would of happened if I would of just gone to my bed? She told me, I would of laid there and bled to death. Wow... So... a death for a death I suppose, but GOD had other plans for me!
So now... I can understand a lot about abortion. Of course it goes against GODs will... but that is to preserve the human race. I don't think we have this problem anymore. However we do have other problems. And that is problems of teen pregnancy... and young adults getting drunk and having unprotected sex... unwanted babies! So there is an argument here. Maybe those babies would be better off being aborted and going straight to GOD, rather to be born into a life where they would have being unwanted.
And if you are protesting abortion, I sure hope you have 20 adopted children in your house! Because if you can protest abortion, you can also stand up and take care of the ones who were actually born unwanted, into this world. If you can go out and protest against abortion and then go home to the peace and quiet and comfort where children don't run around and break things and make messes or make loud noises or keep you up all night crying in pain... then you are not knowledgeable about children and shouldn't be opposing someone else's choice not to have them.
Now see, If I wasn't sinning... I wouldn't of gotten pregnant in the first place.
Here is another perspective. I have a friend. She is so very lonely these days! She is always complaining about being alone in life. So I went to GOD... prayed to GOD on her behalf. And I sure got a surprise! My friend confessed to me that she had had 2 abortions in her past. She said she wasn't ready for kids... so... she had made her choices. Now she is suffering because GOD gave her a chance to have kids... she rejected them. So now she is alone in life :(
But on the other hand... (Lord, I could argue with myself all day about this issue) She is free to do what ever she wants... she is still able to go out and party with her friends. She has the freedom to go and do all she wants without anyone sucking the life out of her! She has a great job and lives in a gated community... goes out and rides her bike in the evenings! She has a great life from my point of view... but from her perspective she is lonely. Wants someone to love. Wants someone to love her. But she 'cooked her own goose' when she chose to have abortions! Now she lives as she always has... goes out... gets drunk... its how society works, after work! You meet your friends at a bar and you relieve your stress. And then she goes home alone... to a quiet, clean house where everything is in its place! She can go to bed and sleep without interruptions... she only has to worry about herself... feeding herself... doing her own laundry. Now, I see this as the best way to live. Its easier to live as a single person rather than live with people who argue with you. People who see you as the enemy. Yes some people see me as the enemy because I want them to stop partying... stop drinking... come home... do right... save the party for the weekends! But no... both my daughter and her dad are party animals. But now my daughter, she has learned she cannot be a party animal because she has kids. But for her dad... he still is gone all evening... comes in late... He loves the drinking... the hanging out with his buddies. And of course with him, he has issues. I live my life for my Grand kids. I wish I had that perfect life where people love each other more than anyone or anything else. It makes my heart sad to know my babies daddy loves the booze more than he loves me. It is hard to love someone who disrespects you like that. But that's my babies dad. I just do the best I can and leave the rest to GOD... GOD will work it all out one day!
So in my personal opinion... in a perfect world we would not have abortions, this is true. But we do not live in a perfect world. In fact we live in a very corrupted world. People killing... thinking its the right thing to do. The truth of the matter goes so deep its hard to wrap our minds around it.
The thing is we shouldn't judge anyone for having an abortion. And we need to make 'safe abortions' available for those who choose this route... because we know that with every abortion there is a personal story we could never understand without walking in their shoes. We cant pass our own thoughts on to everyone because not everyone has the same perspective. There is diversity so there are different ways to live... and there are different ways to die. We can't play GOD with other peoples lives... and we must allow them the freedom of personal choice. After all that is what life is all about here in America! The freedom to choose... and the freedom not to choose.
And in the end... my friend is in her own little hell for aborting her two babies... because if she had not... she would not be alone today. She would of had 2 children... like I did... I thank GOD that HE knew my heart well enough to bless me with one more child. You see I have done it all. Had a baby put it up for adoption... and had my own 2... and had 1 abortion... and had a few miscarriages. So I am lucky to have my children to love... and now, their children love me! Wow... do I ever feel the LOVE!
And I thank GOD for it!
This is going to be a hard blog to write, but bear with me because I put it all in GODs hands.
I can talk about abortion because I had one.
It was one of the darkest times of my life. If I would of had good parents to show me the way 'against sin', I would of not had this happen. But my parents were both caught up in following their own sin and I followed right along in sin :(
Yes, I had an abortion. And being the person that I am, I must tell you the horrible truth of this.
OK, my problems began... (or a new set of problems began)... when I was rudely interrupted with my 1st love by a meddling mother who got mad at my good friend for calling her a bitch, (she was a bitch) but I got in trouble because it made my mother mad and she sent me away to live with my dad, who lived in the country with his 3rd wife and family. That was the first... or the second tragedy in my life... the first was being born to a mother who loved herself more than anyone else, including her children.
So I am thinking I was around 14. (I had met my true love at 13)
But my chance for happiness was over as I watched the love of my life walk away with one of my best friends. The friend who called my mother a bitch. I think it was the summer of '73, we were all out of school, and it was the 3 of us that day hanging out, me... my true love and my good friend, (the friend who called my mother a bitch for reasons I won't get into here). But, I think this is one of the first times I realized we could be punished for speaking the truth!
So there they went... I can still see them walking away and me crying, after my mother ordered them off my grand parents property. I am wondering how my grand parents must of felt about that? :(
I suffer to this day because of this mess. Because...
When I went to live with my dad and his new family, my 'true love' found a new love!
I was so depressed. Started Sr High in the country. Boys would give me attention, but I was so in love with my true love that none of them could get my attention. One of the boys who liked me stole a ring my true love gave me, I think it was because it was a very nice mans ring... and they shared the same initials, R.
So after a time at my dads, I did go back to my Grandparents. I remember when I told my dad I wanted to go back, he said, "Don't let the door hit you in the ass." I cant tell you how that made me feel :(
Well, I think I was 15 by the time I got back to my Grandparents. Thank GOD my mother had left. It was a great thing! Things were at peace, finally. And my true love? He came back to me! But it got all strange, because he was a foot ball player and his new girl was a cheer leader, where did that leave this strange elusive poet singer song writer? The one who could be found sitting with friends under a tree playing a guitar and singing the blues. We had some good times. But it was difficult because he was having trouble with her. Looking back, I am sure he was in a terrible state of mind. I knew he loved me because he came and spent time with me and we spent hours on the phone during the evenings. There is so much to this story but that will have to wait for another time because it wasn't about all that, my point is, I was frustrated and upset, I had given him everything, even my virginity... to try to keep him. And I probably could of kept him had I not done what my mother told me to do.
Because in school, she was his girlfriend and out of school he was mine. I had given him time enough to shake her, but some women just cant be shook. And some of the people at school made up lies about me to make me look bad. Horrible lies. I was so upset, he was so upset... My mother had told me on the phone I could come live with her (out of state). And she also told me if it was her, she would get back at him... well, I took my mothers advice and... 'had sex with his best friend' and left town... to get back at him... (Who in their right mind can 'get someone back' for dealing out pain resulting from the original sin? GOD alone can do this!) As unbelievable as sounds, I left and went to my mothers.
I gave in to the dark side... I lived in the dark side for years. Only to go back to my grandparents a year later after one of my mothers friends maliciously raped me.
So back in Houston, I went to school and went to work. No way was I going to get my love back after I destroyed it following my mothers advice. I filled my life with school and a job and hanging out with my friends. And, of course I started dating. This is when I got pregnant. I was so hungry for love... I was 18 by then, in my last year of high school.
I had to save face for my Grandparents. I feel like I was forced to leave, because my older sister had just come up pregnant... but she was living on her own. My Grandparents were so upset, I couldn't possibly tell them I was pregnant! But a friend of mines older sister helped me gather my stuff... And again, I went back to my mothers... But by then she had found GOD and I was OK. I met a man in the church she went to. I think GOD led me there... because of the letter I wrote and buried in my Grandparents backyard.
This man was fun. And I think he loved me. But I was still in love with my first love. And I always thought he was still in love with his first love too. But GOD has HIS reasons for everything. And after I had the baby and put it up for adoption... (another tragedy in my life)... I married that man. We had some good years together. The first 5 of them, it was just him and I... at 5 years together, I got pregnant and we had a son. Ten years all together. I asked GOD why I had to go through that... and the answer was for >my son< ... And to be honest, I never stopped loving my 1st love. And after the years had passed, I was really messed up in the head. I did go through 3 years of psychotherapy after I was caught with a gun in my mouth.
And after I left my sons dad, I got pregnant by a kid! He was just 19! Again, I feel like I had no choice... except to have an abortion. What a mess! :(
The abortion almost killed me. Afterwards I never got well and started bleeding really bad. A friend told me to go lay down... but I was feeling so weird my Grandmother took me to the hospital... where they did a DNC because of pieces left over from the abortion. I asked the nurse in the hospital what would of happened if I would of just gone to my bed? She told me, I would of laid there and bled to death. Wow... So... a death for a death I suppose, but GOD had other plans for me!
So now... I can understand a lot about abortion. Of course it goes against GODs will... but that is to preserve the human race. I don't think we have this problem anymore. However we do have other problems. And that is problems of teen pregnancy... and young adults getting drunk and having unprotected sex... unwanted babies! So there is an argument here. Maybe those babies would be better off being aborted and going straight to GOD, rather to be born into a life where they would have being unwanted.
And if you are protesting abortion, I sure hope you have 20 adopted children in your house! Because if you can protest abortion, you can also stand up and take care of the ones who were actually born unwanted, into this world. If you can go out and protest against abortion and then go home to the peace and quiet and comfort where children don't run around and break things and make messes or make loud noises or keep you up all night crying in pain... then you are not knowledgeable about children and shouldn't be opposing someone else's choice not to have them.
Now see, If I wasn't sinning... I wouldn't of gotten pregnant in the first place.
Here is another perspective. I have a friend. She is so very lonely these days! She is always complaining about being alone in life. So I went to GOD... prayed to GOD on her behalf. And I sure got a surprise! My friend confessed to me that she had had 2 abortions in her past. She said she wasn't ready for kids... so... she had made her choices. Now she is suffering because GOD gave her a chance to have kids... she rejected them. So now she is alone in life :(
But on the other hand... (Lord, I could argue with myself all day about this issue) She is free to do what ever she wants... she is still able to go out and party with her friends. She has the freedom to go and do all she wants without anyone sucking the life out of her! She has a great job and lives in a gated community... goes out and rides her bike in the evenings! She has a great life from my point of view... but from her perspective she is lonely. Wants someone to love. Wants someone to love her. But she 'cooked her own goose' when she chose to have abortions! Now she lives as she always has... goes out... gets drunk... its how society works, after work! You meet your friends at a bar and you relieve your stress. And then she goes home alone... to a quiet, clean house where everything is in its place! She can go to bed and sleep without interruptions... she only has to worry about herself... feeding herself... doing her own laundry. Now, I see this as the best way to live. Its easier to live as a single person rather than live with people who argue with you. People who see you as the enemy. Yes some people see me as the enemy because I want them to stop partying... stop drinking... come home... do right... save the party for the weekends! But no... both my daughter and her dad are party animals. But now my daughter, she has learned she cannot be a party animal because she has kids. But for her dad... he still is gone all evening... comes in late... He loves the drinking... the hanging out with his buddies. And of course with him, he has issues. I live my life for my Grand kids. I wish I had that perfect life where people love each other more than anyone or anything else. It makes my heart sad to know my babies daddy loves the booze more than he loves me. It is hard to love someone who disrespects you like that. But that's my babies dad. I just do the best I can and leave the rest to GOD... GOD will work it all out one day!
So in my personal opinion... in a perfect world we would not have abortions, this is true. But we do not live in a perfect world. In fact we live in a very corrupted world. People killing... thinking its the right thing to do. The truth of the matter goes so deep its hard to wrap our minds around it.
The thing is we shouldn't judge anyone for having an abortion. And we need to make 'safe abortions' available for those who choose this route... because we know that with every abortion there is a personal story we could never understand without walking in their shoes. We cant pass our own thoughts on to everyone because not everyone has the same perspective. There is diversity so there are different ways to live... and there are different ways to die. We can't play GOD with other peoples lives... and we must allow them the freedom of personal choice. After all that is what life is all about here in America! The freedom to choose... and the freedom not to choose.
And in the end... my friend is in her own little hell for aborting her two babies... because if she had not... she would not be alone today. She would of had 2 children... like I did... I thank GOD that HE knew my heart well enough to bless me with one more child. You see I have done it all. Had a baby put it up for adoption... and had my own 2... and had 1 abortion... and had a few miscarriages. So I am lucky to have my children to love... and now, their children love me! Wow... do I ever feel the LOVE!
And I thank GOD for it!
posted by MotherPope @ 2:52 PM
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