Christmas Thoughts

Its Christmas. I'm here because I can't share these thoughts with anyone in my real life. 

OK. WOW. I had just written that first line and then my son and 3 of my grandkids showed up and reminded me that they can make my day a whole lot better. 

Yup. You almost got a woe is me post because I was having triggers left and right all day. I was crying on and off all day today and having anxiety attacks that were driving me crazy! 

And I couldn't share my thoughts with anyone in my life because it upsets them. 

How very proper for GOD to send over my son and his kids. I have often asked GOD why I had to suffer the things I had to suffer, and I never understood it when GOD said, 'for Daniel'. Daniel is my sons name, and I just couldn't figure it out, because I couldn't even take care of myself how was I going to take care of a baby!?! 

Now I can see clearly that GOD was way ahead of my thinking. Knowing that one day I would have grandchildren who love me more than I have ever been loved in my life.

Oh, I know I have had many men in my life, more than my fair share. And I am sure I have thrown away many a good one. I just didn't know how to deal with them. I was used to being mistreated and it felt strange with a 'good man'. I think it was a thing in my brain that told me I didn't deserve a good man.

Here I am today with many regrets. But I didn't know any better. You know that old saying, if I knew then what I know now. Well, I am sure none of my knowledge could change other people's actions. Like those of my mother and biological dad. I have a hard time calling him dad because he never acted like my dad. We do suffer for the sins of our parents. 

So here I am thrice divorced. There was none who loved me more than they loved themselves. This is not GODS way, as HE directs men to love their wives as they love themselves. 

OK, back to my day. I was having a bad one. I don't have money to buy Christmas nor to have a feast. My son brought me a ham and I had rice and green beans. Of which I am grateful for. I am not complaining. I was just trying to tell myself that most people are having a better day.

I was crying watching The Waltons... I was reading stories on Quora that made me cry. I know I am not unique or unusual. Lots of people in the world suffer for sin. Whether their own or someone else's.

This is why I come here and share my thoughts and feelings.  

Because GOD can make our way better! I've had a terrible childhood, but my grand motherhood is so good!  I do treat them better than I got treated. They have a good mom and dad and will never know the pain I have lived in my lifetime. 

Although I have shared some of my past with my 14- and 15-year-old granddaughters. They are so understanding, and they give good hugs. 

But what I want for them and other kids in the world is to have the best life! And it is with the wisdom of GOD that we can achieve the perfect lifestyle! Oh, we can't have a perfect life, but we can have the perfect attitude when something wants to bring us down. 

If we follow Jesus and we hang out with people who follow Jesus, we won't have much trouble. But every so often the devil gets a hold of a person or situation to try to break you down.

I can tell you through years of tears, hang on tight to what you know is right and you will survive!  

It's too late for me. Besides I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. 

And what I've got is GOD and HE will comfort and sustain me for the rest of my days.

I once read that secret problems in families can go back 200 or more years. But LOOK! We live in the age where knowledge is just a few clicks away!

I do have a favorite Bible app. I have a few regular emails from my favorite GODLY people and most of my online time is centered around good positive information. If I see something that GOD tells me is not good, I shut it off or swipe left and keep going right! HAHAHA... Yes, pun intended! 

I am happy to say that I am feeling much better now. 

Thank y'all for reading. For some reason I feel like y'all care about me, which gives me what I need to keep going on here. I mean not here on the blog lol... I' will come here until I die! 

But in my life. I am so glad that I am not limited. We grow with GOD!

I am so thankful that I have my life as a Grandmother... and then my life here as MotherPope. I want to forever tell my story of how GOD saved me from hell. Do a search on Jesus... Learn all you can about Him! He will lead you to a beautiful place that you will absolutely LOVE... 

GOD Bless US Everyone! IJCNA