To Love On Condition

So sad to think about the ones who can only love on condition. So many people around me, I see, only love on condition. If you do this I will love you.

What happened to the unconditional love? Why are people turning to this way?

If you be like this, I will love you. Hmmm...

And so sorry for the ones too, who must pretend to love... on condition. My daughter in law was telling me that if she was alone... and someone she didn't love started helping her... she would be grateful. That made me think how very grateful I am, that my son loves her so much, she will never have to worry about that. But surely this must be the case for many women in the world. They really don't love the man they are with... but he takes care of them. This to me is like, "OK, I will love you as long as you take care of me"... (but it is only a pretend love because I need you to pay my bills).

How horrible this would be. To live like this. To have to depend on another for our daily needs to such a point that you would live a lie... settle for something less than true love in order to remain afloat. How sad and what a waste of time.

There are two ways to live with it, I suppose... most women are doormats to men who, 'take care of them'... Men don't respect women who they feel use them for personal gain. Men don't like to feel betrayed by a woman. And it's sad, because I know there are many woman out there who play pretend because they know which side of the bread their butter is on.

And then there are the type who feel the entitlement to a life of demanding, where as they are really a dependant. I don't like that :(

One of the hardest things I had to figure out from doing Proverbs, was how hard it is for a rich man to know if he is loved for himself, or his money. This statement was written in a way that it took me several days of prayer and study to figure out. I try to fill my spirit with that of the Holy Ghost... the spirit of Jesus... who leads me into the path of righteousness. It is a real struggle sometimes... and people hate me and mock me. I have been called everything from a Goody Two Shoes to a self righteous bitch. It used to bother me. But not so much anymore. Because at the end of the day... I can lay down at night and sleep in peace, knowing that I did the best I could that day. It is hard to be good. Easier to be bad and rude and hateful. Make people stay away from you. I recently met a woman, she sounded so nice when she invited me over... but I was late babysitting and then we got lost... we couldn't understand the directions, she got angry at my stupidity and called me a stupid fuckin bitch. She was drinking that night. And later when she realised that it was a misunderstanding, she is trying to make plans for us to come visit. Well, now I don't know. I was first excited about meeting this nice down home family woman... when I found out she had another side to her, I wanted to back way up. I am safer staying in my house. I am a hermit. But I do get out to the store and run errands and such. But after seeing that woman lose it on me and I hadn't done anything... it just reinforces my hermitness.

Of course there are people out there who are good and honest, but it is so hard to tell them from the ones in sheep's clothing... who can tell these days.

I just know, that to love unconditionally is the greatest joy. Accepting people... faults and all... is real love.

When my babies daddy looks at me, he doesn't see a gray haired old lady, he sees a Grandma who loves the children... unconditionally. He sees a woman who loves him unconditionally. I am not going to love him only for the care he gives me... I am going to love him because we are so close inside our hearts and souls. He is my best friend... and I know he will never hurt me. I trust him to always care.
I am safe and secure in my love.

I am so blessed to of had my Grandfather to make it to where I could always be here for my children. It was good that I was here for them 24/7. Good, that I wasn't forced into having to work and leave them as latch key children. I feel that is the worst thing I could do for them. Sure, sometimes there must be tough love... the kids have to know that we DO draw the line. And they need to tow that line. Out of respect for their elders. I was so blessed to of been able to be home to draw that line... and enforce it. My son is the man I have always wanted him to be. And yet... he is still my little boy. He will always hold a special place in my heart for following the way that is good. He loves his wife and his wife loves him. It is something that not many people can achieve. But some do!

I had run into some old friends yesterday... and they have 27 years together... they have a practically perfect world... I have watched them move up like the Jeffersons... from a trailer park to a HUGE 2 story home with a beautiful in ground pool in the back. The greenest lawn on the block... brand new vehicles and 2 awesome motorcycles that have won awards! These people have the picture perfect life... and the man said to me... in a laughing way... "yeah, we hate each other". And I had to reflect on that one a bit.. because I think after 27 years together, your supposed to hate each other. I mean in a facetious sort of way. Its healthy that they can hate each other and love each other so deeply. Because, I was in the room with them for a couple hours, and I could sense the deep love. The trust she has in him. And NO, he doesn't do it all... she helps run the home based business... her devotion to him is noted and displayed all over that house. I feel he is SO lucky to have her. And she is also lucky to have him. They are perfect for each other. Safe in their place. No, things are not perfect for them, but nothing in life ever is. There is a fine line between love and hate if you get all caught up in the passion and pain.

In my reflecting... the most important thing I see that we need... is to love deeply... unconditionally... and never settle for something just because it is convenient or useful or the most beautiful.

Years ago... I worked as a waitress... I will never forget one couple... they were the most butt ugly people I had ever seen in my life... but their love for one another was visible... and made life beautiful for them.

Unconditional love. Yeah... that's the ticket!